


Winter Song

by Symbiotica



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Christmas, F/M, Future Fic, Post Season 2
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-20
Updated: 2018-01-05
Packaged: 2019-02-17 13:37:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 27,940
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13077987
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Symbiotica/pseuds/Symbiotica
Summary: It’s winter break and Nancy and her roommate, Amy, are heading to Ottawa to spend Christmas with her family. But when severe weather cancels their flight, Nancy has only two options: sleeping out in the cold until the dorms reopen or returning to Hawkins for the first time in two years. Somehow, the cold seems preferable. {Set in winter 1988 | This fic is essentially a Hallmark Christmas movie and I'm not even sorry}





	1. December 20th

As a child, going to the airport was a vacation in and of itself-- watching in astonishment as the large winged vehicles took off into the air and returned to the ground, the excitement of watching travelers from all over the world shuffle from terminal to terminal, trying to reach their destination. Nancy used to stare longingly at the all the other gates as she passed by, holding tightly onto her mother’s hand and daydreaming about the places she could go.

The opportunities seemed limitless.

As an adult, she knew better.

“Canceled?” She overheard another unfortunate passenger gawk at the flight board. “How could an airline cancel all of their flights five days before Christmas?”

 He was right. Every Canadian-Air flight was flashing red with the word ‘CANCELED’ next to them, including flight 92771 to Ottawa.  Biting her lip, Nancy let out a frustrated sigh before turning around and trying to see if her roommate had made any progress at the check-in desk.

Amy, with her tightly curled brown hair that was teased to almost twice the size of her head, was nearly impossible to miss, even in a sea of disgruntled travelers. And when Nancy finally spotted her friend, she could tell things weren’t going well.

Generally speaking, the Amy she’d always known and loved was level-headed and sweet-- the type of girl who would refuse to send back a meal even if the order was completely wrong. But there was another side to her that Nancy had seen only a handful of times. Now being one of them.

Forcefully tapping on the desk for emphasis, her friend leaned into the counter with her eyebrows knitted together as she demanded, Nancy assumed, to be put on a flight. Based on the way Amy huffed and sharply turned away from the stoic attendant, they probably weren’t making it out tonight.

“We’re not going.” Amy called out, marching her way through the crowd.

It took Nancy a moment to comprehend what her friend was saying before she was able to stutter out a surprised, “What?”

Amy shrugged quickly-- clearly agitated, by the way she was aggressively chomping on her gum. “Apparently, there’s some big storm blowing through the north so they’ve canceled all flights to Canada for the next week.”

“T-That’s insane, what are they going to do with all these people? What are _we_ going to do?”

Amy shrugged again. “Mel didn’t tell me much.” She sneered gesturing back to the desk. “Except to basically make other arrangements.”

Nancy leaned against the wall, desperately thinking of ideas.

“We could take a train?”

“Sold out”

“Rent a car?”

“We’re too young. Plus, it’s way too expensive.”

“Well then what are we going to do?” Nancy snapped. “We can’t go back to campus. We didn’t fill out winter break registration and the dorms won’t let us in.”

“I don’t know.” Amy groaned throwing her bags down next to Nancy and grabbing a few quarters from her purse. “But I have to call my parents and tell them we won’t be able to make it.”

Nancy’s frustration quickly dissipated and was replaced by guilt. She knew how much Amy missed her family and how this break was the only time she’d be able to see them.

There was a time where Nancy would’ve felt the same way, desperate to go home and be with her family by any means necessary. But after her father left her mother and her mother sold the house, Nancy found it hard to call Hawkins, Indiana home anymore.

There was also the matter of a messy break up with a certain ex of hers...

But she didn’t want to think about that.

 

What she needed to focus on instead was figuring out how she and Amy were going to survive until the end of winter break.

 

Reverting back to her old childhood antics, Nancy found herself staring at the flight status board again and pictured herself escaping to all the places that were flashing green. She had never been to Tampa, but spending Christmas on the warm sunny beach didn’t sound so bad-- or, there was Washington. She hadn’t visited since she was 10, but had loved the nation’s capital and was willing to bet it was beautiful this time of year...

 

Laughing, Nancy stopped herself, knowing it was futile. As fun as it would be to just take the next available flight to some surprise destination, they were two broke college students who could never afford food, let alone a room, for an entire month. But before she could completely tear her eyes from the list, a certain destination caught her eye.

 

Indianapolis.

 

Nancy instantly recoiled from the idea. She hadn’t been to Indiana since she moved away for college two years ago and honestly, she never planned on going back. What was the point? She wasn’t on speaking terms with her father, she hadn’t kept in contact with any of her siblings, and she met with her mother twice a year in New York and that was _fine_. There was no point in going back to a place that no longer had her family-- the way she remembered it-- or friends; only memories of friendships and love that no longer existed.

 

But at this point, did they have a choice?

 

“Mom’s upset.” Amy’s solemn voice cut through her thoughts. “But she says the storm is really bad so it’s probably for the best.”

 

“Yeah.” Nancy sighs, worrying her bottom lip between her teeth. “What if we went to Indiana instead?”

 

Her jaw dropped as she stared at Nancy in shock, not saying anything.

 

“There’s a flight to Indianapolis boarding in 45 minutes.”

 

“Wait, you’re serious?” Amy gasped, knowing her hesitations for visiting. “But what about-”

 

“Can you seriously think something better? Because I can’t.” Nancy shot her a look of determination. “And I’ve tried.”

 

“Well,” Amy smiled brightly for the first time since arriving at the airport. “It’s only fair seeing that you’ve spent the last two Christmases with my family.”

 

Bending over and picking up her bags, Amy offered her a hand before dragging her back to the check-in counter with a spring in her step. “Come on,” she giggled. “Before you change your mind!”

 

\---

 

The flight change went smoother than Nancy expected. They were able to switch their tickets for free and the airline even upgraded their seats to first class for their inconvenience.

It was almost worth the unexpected homecoming. Almost.

“So, your mom’s excited, eh?” Amy wondered rolling her suitcase along the jetway as they boarded the plane.

Nancy smiled slightly. “Yeah, for a moment I thought she was going to pass out.”

“I can hardly blame her,” Amy admitted. “You haven’t been home since freshman year, right?”

“Not since move-in day.” _Not since the divorce, since the break up._

She watched as her friend’s face fell. “You okay?”

Whether it was good or bad, the one thing about living with a person for two years in a small, single-room dorm was that they knew you better than almost anyone else. At this point, Amy was more like a sister than a friend-- they argued like family, told each other their darkest secrets without hesitation, and could read each other like an open book.

Based on the pitiful look Amy was shooting her, Nancy realized she wasn’t suppressing her apprehension well.

“Yeah.” She shoved her bag in the overhead compartment before taking her seat. Amy rolled her eyes. “I mean I’m nervous, and I wish I had more time to prepare, but I’m fine.”

“You probably won’t even see him.” Amy sighed, plopping down in her seat.

“It’s not even-”

“Hey,” she interrupted sternly. “If I’m going to spend the next few weeks in your hometown, surrounded by your friends and family, I’m going to need you to be completely honest with me. No bullshit.”  

Nancy clamped her mouth-- gaping in mid sentence-- shut.

 _‘No bullshit’_ was a phrase they came up with during their first year at school and it had evolved to mean something akin to _‘you can trust me and I give you my support.’_

“It’s a small town and our families are close.” She tried to explain. “Of course I’ll see him.”

Nancy carefully watched as the other passengers pass by. It just now occurring to her that there was a possibility that he’d be on this flight.

“And?” Amy pressed. “So what if you do? He took advantage of you so you ended it, _two years ago_.”

“No, we got into a huge fight--”

“After being miserable for weeks.” Amy interrupted.

“-- and he hung up on me.”

“And you haven’t talked since.”

“Right.”

Amy shook her head before taking her hand. “Nance, You’ve grown so much since I’ve met you and you’re one of the strongest people I know. If you can convince your professor to still give you an A after sleeping through your final, you shouldn’t worry about facing your ex. In fact, he should be worried about running into you.” she assured causing Nancy to genuinely smile.

“Besides,” her friend added. “You have Ken now.”

“We’re not official or anything,” Nancy insisted, blush tinting her cheeks. “We’ve just hung out a few times.”

“Oh come on, Nance! He’s been pinning after you since last April.” Amy cheered. “And, he’s such a nice guy.”

Kenneth Danforth was a junior in their dining club. At induction last spring, Nancy found herself drawn to him and he latched on to her. He was nice, and sweet, and to many, Ken seemed perfect. But to Nancy…

“I don’t know, Amy. He’s not really my type.”

“Why, because he’s emotionally available and won’t treat you like shit?” she snapped.

Nancy glared at her in a mixture of shock and hurt. Where was this coming from?

“My feelings for Ken have nothing to do with him, and besides you didn’t even know--.”

“I met him.”

“Once, at move-in!” Nancy cried out in exasperation.

“And I saw how he treated you. You think I don’t remember how you rarely left the dorm those first few months just in case he’d call-- which, he never did-- or how infuriated you were that you had no way to contact him?”

“It wasn’t always like that.” She whispered, staring at her lap before giving Amy a look. “And you know it.”

“Yeah, well, you haven’t dated seriously since then.” Amy’s tone softened. “All I’m saying is give Ken a shot. You deserve to be happy.”

Nancy sat there quietly, realizing there was some truth to her words.

The two fell into a comfortable silence, both engrossed in their own books as the plane taxied to takeoff. When the wheels clicked back into the plane as it ascended into the air, Nancy took a deep breath.

There was no turning back now.

\---

As the plane descended, Nancy found herself wishing that the two and a half hour flight lasted longer. She gave up trying to read her book early in the flight after she reread the same page seven times without absorbing the information. Instead, she passed the time staring out the window into the pitch black night and tried to placate her racing mind.  

As the cabin bell dinged a final time, she unfastened her seatbelt and quickly tried to gather her belongings. Meanwhile, Amy jolted awake from a deep sleep.

“Did we land?” She yawned, stretching her arms above her head.

“Yeah,” Nancy said, handing the girl her bag. “Mom said my brother will be picking us up at baggage.”

As soon as they exited the plane, the two walked through the concourse with purpose, weaving between groups of reuniting loved ones for the holidays.

“So your brother, what does he look like?” Amy wondered as they took the escalator down to baggage claim.

“Um, he’s got mopey black hair and is a bit lanky...” Nancy muttered as she focused on scanning the area. “--Oh my god.”

“What?” Amy wondered.

She hardly recognized him, he had grown so tall and wasn’t the bony-boy from her memories. And who was he talking to, _was that El_? It had to be, but her hair was so long and curly now and she looked-- well, they both just looked so much older.

“Mike?” She yelled over the crowd, trying to get his attention and still not fully believing this was her baby brother.

When he turned towards her, he waved and a big smile broke out across his face.

“Hey, Nance.”

She pulled him into her arms, her face crashing into his chest. “I can’t believe how much you’ve grown.”

“Yeah, well, that’s what happens when you don’t come home for 2 years.” He chided, returning her embrace.

Nancy grimaced against his chest. His tone was light, and she could tell it was a joke, but could sense the underlying hurt behind his words.

“And look at you.” She gasped pulling away from her brother. “You’ve changed so much too.”

“Hi Nancy,” El smiled pulling her in for a tight hug. “I’ve missed you.”

Nancy hugged her back with equal strength. “I’ve missed you too.” She whispered. “Both of you.” She stressed, looking between them as she pulled away.

“Hi,” a small voice behind her piped up. “I’m Amy.”

“Right.” Nancy gasped, stepping aside. “Sorry, this is my roommate, Amy. She’s spending Christmas with us this year.”

“Nice to meet you,” her brother offered his hand. “I’m Mike and this is my girlfriend, El.”

“Nice to meet you both.” Amy smiled, shaking both of their hands.

“Well, let us help with your bags and we can catch up on the drive?” Mike offered, already shouldering Nancy’s duffle.

“Sounds good.” the girls agreed.

Fitting all of their luggage into the trunk of Mike’s car required some skill and a great deal of finesse. But they were making great time on the freeway and avoided most of the city traffic. Nancy watched out the window as signs for familiar towns passed by and Mike made small talk with Amy.

Even though Indiana was south of New Jersey, it was still frigid and there was even snow covering the ground. The heat was blaring in the car, trying to take the chill from the air as Christmas music played softly over the radio.

“So,” El turned around facing Nancy behind her. “How is Princeton?”

“Good,” Nancy nodded. “Really good. We just finished the semester so that’s a relief. How’s senior year?”

El smiled and nodded. “Fun. College applications were due last month so now we all get to enjoy the rest of the year.”

“That’s nice. Do you have a top school?”

“IU. So Mike and I can be together.”

“That’s a great school and it’s pretty close to home.” Nancy complimented but El’s face faltered.

“It will be hard, though,” She sighed tucking her hair behind her ear. “Being away from everyone else. That is why we are determined to make the best memories before the end of the summer.”

Nancy nodded, understanding how hard it could be to distance yourself from the people you cared about the most. She just wished El and Mike had better luck.

“How is everyone else?”

El perked up and nudged Mike in the ribs with her elbow.

“What?” Mike turned her attention to them.

“Nancy is wondering how everyone is.” She said smugly, causing Mike to roll his eyes.

“If you want to invite her, go ahead.”

“Tonight, Will and I are having a Christmas party to celebrate the beginning of break.” El announced. “And I would like for you and Amy to come.”

Before Amy had the chance to accept the invitation, Nancy quickly shot the idea down.

“Oh, El, that’s so nice of you to think of us, but we’re pretty tired after flight and I’m sure mom is looking forward to seeing us.” Nancy apologized. “Thank you, though.”

El shrugged and looked at Mike. “It was worth a try.”

Her brother shot a glare at the girl.

“It’s fine.” He sighed taking El’s hand in his own. “Joyce and Hopper would probably freak out if we invited anymore people there.”

“That’s right.” Nancy remembered as Mike exited onto the old country roads. “They got married last year. How’s that going?”

“Good! Hopper and I moved in with Joyce about a year and a half ago and they’re both really happy.” Only the pale moonlight and the headlights of passing drivers now illuminated the car. “It’s nice to have a family, a home.”

Nancy hummed in agreement as they drove closer and closer to town. On the right, she caught sight of the old Mill sign and knew they were only about a ten-minute drive to the house.

“Yeah but it’s a home at capacity.” Mike added. “Luckily, Jonathan gave El his room. Otherwise, she’d be sharing with Will.”

The whole car fell silent and Nancy tensed at hearing his name for the first time in years. She quickly tried to brush it off, sensing the mood in the car shift.

“That was nice.” she admitted, feeling Amy roll her eyes at her in the darkness.

“Yeah.” El admitted, a smile in her voice. “He is.”

When they pulled up to the unfamiliar house, Nancy’s heart sank.

“Thanks for the ride.” She said as she climbed out of the backseat and made her way to the trunk.

Mike shrugged, placing her large suitcase on the driveway. “It’s not like mom gave me much of a choice.” He looked up at her with an honestly in his eyes which floored her. “But seriously, Nance it’s good to have you home.”

“Amy,” he turned toward her friend. “It was nice meeting you” he offered her a hug. “And I look forward to beating your ass in RoadBlasters.”

Amy laughed “looking forward to it.”

As they pulled out of the driveway, Amy turned to Nancy.

“You ready?”

Nancy anticipated the house being surreal in general but what she didn’t predict was how weird it would be seeing the contents of her childhood home furnishing this foreign place.

“Nancy?” Her mother’s voice called from what she was assuming was upstairs. “Is that you?”

“Yeah, Mom” she called back, setting her and Amy’s luggage in the entryway as she gave the house a once over. “Mike just dropped us off.”

The first thing she noticed was that it was smaller, the living room was about half the size of the old one and everything just felt more narrow. The next thing she noticed was how eerily similar it was to their old house-- pictures placed on the mantle in a similar order, furniture arranged in the same Karen-Wheeler-Perfect manner, and Nancy wasn’t exactly sure but was willing to bet that the walls were covered with the same wallpaper.

“Oh!” Karen called from the top of the stairs before descending at lightning speed. “Welcome home sweetie.”

Karen pulled her in for a tight embrace which Nancy returned. “Glad to be back.” She lied, slightly.

“Oh you have no idea how happy I am that you’re here.” She gushed still clinging to her daughter. “When you called I was sure I was dreaming.”

“Oh, and Amy,” Karen smiled sweetly pulling the other girl into her arms. “I am so excited to see you too, sweetheart!”

“Good to see you again, Karen.” Amy greeted, patting the woman on the back affectionately.

“Well,” Karen sighed sadly, “Unfortunately, Holly just went to bed so you won’t be able to see her until tomorrow.”

“That’s okay,” Nancy assured. “We’re both pretty tired and I’d rather see her once I have more energy.”

“Right, you two ladies had a long and tedious day at the airport.” Karen motioned for them to follow her. “I’ll just show you where your room is and you can get some rest.”

The girls hauled their luggage for the last time up the stairs following Mrs. Wheeler’s lead.

“Actually,” Amy panted. “I’m more hungry than tired.”

As if on cue Nancy’s stomach rumbled in agreement.

“I’m sorry, girls.” Karen said as she turned on the light in the guest room. “I wasn’t really expecting guests so I don’t have much food in the house right now. But if you’re feeling up to it, the Porchlight Diner should still be open. You can use the car and I’ll treat.” She insisted.

Amy sat on the bed and looked at Nancy. “What do you think?”

Honestly, she’d prefer to stay in rummage through her mom’s old canned goods instead of going out in public and risking running into anyone she knew. But she knew Amy wanted to go and Nancy couldn’t deny she had missed the diner’s fries.

“Yeah.” Nancy nodded. “We can go. The food’s pretty good and it’ll give you a chance to see the town.”

Karen smiled brightly. “Wonderful.”

\---

There was something about the way Porchlight fried their potatoes that made them crispy on the outside and almost creamy on the inside. Dunking the golden fry into barbecue sauce, Nancy had to suppress a moan of delight as she popped her old favorite snack into her mouth.

“That was so good.” Amy sighed, throwing her napkin on the table and bending over to take the last sip of her chocolate milkshake. “Seriously, I can die happy right now.”

“I know, this was my favorite restaurant growing up.” Nancy mumbled, covering her mouth as she popped another fry into her mouth. “I’m in heaven right now.”

“So this is the famous Hawkins?” her friend wondered looking out the window that highlighted the downtown strip. “It’s quaint.”

“If by quaint, you mean small, I agree.” Nancy slurped her coke.

“No-- I think it’s nice, it reminds me of where my grandmother grew up. She always loved small town life.” She smiled. “I can’t wait to tell her about it, she’ll be excited.”

“Small town life can be nice.” Nancy admitted. “But there are some drawbacks-”

“Oh will you stop,” Amy laughed. “And take off that hat, no one is even looking at you.”

“Yeah because I picked a booth where no one could see us.” she insisted.

Amy rolled her eyes and threw a chip at her. “I bet you don’t even know anyone here.”

Nancy narrowed her eyes at the girl as she leaned closer and pointed behind the counter. “That’s Earl Masters, he owns the place with his wife, Kate. They have two children Sarah and Paula who go to school with my sister.” Nancy turned around and pointed to the only other group of patrons sitting at a large table. “Over there are the Tasks, they own a family construction business that are responsible for all of the development and maintenance of the town. Two summers ago, they lost their youngest child, Caden, to leukemia. The whole town grieved.”

“Well damn.” Amy stole a sip from Nany’s coke. “When you’re right, you’re right.”

“Am I ever wrong?”

“Frequently.” Amy scoffed causing Nancy to gasp in Mock horror. “Do you remember the time when we were trying to find out way home from the bar and you insisted that we walked instead of taking a taxi because it was, and I quote, only a ‘ten-minute walk’ but then you led us in the wrong direction…”

Amy kept talking but Nancy found herself staring out window admiring her hometown as flakes of snow began to cascade down.

Nothing ever really changed in Hawkins, the landscape, the shops, even the people. It was comforting in a weird sense that though her life and her family’s lives had turned upside down once she left for college, the town itself would never change and would remain as it did in her memories.

 _Quaint_. She thought, using Amy’s word.

Eye’s roaming over the various storefront displays all decorated for Christmas, she stopped abruptly when she noticed a man. He was turned away from her with his hands shoved deeply in his pockets but there was something familiar about him that made her breath hitch-- maybe it was old worn jacket that she had worn on a multitude of occasions or the shagginess of brown hair on top of his head.

Frozen in shock and fear, Nancy couldn’t look away even though she heard Amy calling her name. She could only watch _him_ as he pulled on a leash, dragging some dog away from the hydrant. As he turned to walk down the rest of street, Nancy’s stomach dropped.

It wasn’t him.

And once he stepped under the street light, she felt foolish because that guy looked absolutely nothing like him.

Nancy collapsed against the booth and taking a deep breath.

“You okay?”

“Yeah, I just thought I saw...” She trailed off, knowing Amy would understand. “But it wasn’t.”

As her heart rate steadied itself back to normal, Nancy’s stomach churned as tried to decipher her conflicting emotions.

She should have felt relieved that it wasn’t him-- and she did. But why did she also feel disappointed?

 

 


	2. December 21st

The smell of cooking bacon and freshly brewed coffee coaxed Nancy from her deep slumber. As her eyes cracked open, she could barely make out the outline of Amy’s body next her in the dark. It must have been early. Yawning, Nancy sat up before swinging her legs over the side of the bed knowing she wouldn’t be able to fall back asleep while the scent of coffee lingered in the air.

With heavy footed steps,  Nancy lumbered down the stairs into the kitchen and gave her mother a weary smile.

“Hi, sweetie. Did you sleep alright?” Nancy nodded, searching through the cupboards for a mug. “Good. Did you have fun at the diner last night?”

“Yeah. Still the best food in Hawkins.”

She sat down at the island across from her mother with her steaming cup in hand and hummed contently as she took a sip. Few things in life were more satisfying than the first cup of coffee.

“What are you working on?” Nancy wondered, watching as her mother scribbled furiously onto the notepad.

“Grocery list.” Karen sighed. “I’m buying all the supplies for the party tomorrow and Christmas dinner today in addition to our weekly groceries.” The woman turned around and gave the pantry a concerned look. “I hope we have enough space.”

“Hm.” Nancy nodded, mind still foggy with sleep that it took her a moment to process what her mother had just said.

“Wait. Party, what party?”

“Right, sorry.” Her mother shook her head and set down the list. “Since the divorce, I’ve had Mike’s friends and their families over for dinner one night a few days before Christmas.”

Nancy quirked an eyebrow and took a long sip from her mug, waiting for further explanation about the weird gathering.

“Mike took your father and I’s separation very hard.” Karen admitted quietly, her voice tinged with guilt. “That first Thanksgiving--” she shook her head not wanting to continue. “I wanted to make sure the holidays were filled with love and joy for both him and Holly, and I knew that those kids are like family to him, so I thought it would be nice to get everyone together so they could both enjoy Christmas at least a little bit.”

Nancy was caught off guard by her mother’s concern and thoughtfulness even though it shouldn’t surprise her. Karen Wheeler had always been perceptive and accommodating towards her children’s needs.

“Mom, Dad’s the one who left. You shouldn’t be the one scrounging around trying to fix everything, _he should_.”  

“I don’t really care whose fault it is, I don’t want my children’s happiness to suffer.” Karen shrugged. “Have you talked to your father, lately?”

Nancy scoffed.

“Well, you should.” she insisted. “He and I have been getting along recently… and I’ve actually invited him to the party.”

Nancy gawked at her mother like she had just sprouted an extra head.

“Divorce is a messy, messy thing, Nancy.” Her mother admitted, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear. “No one is absolutely right and no one truly wins, but if you can sort through that muck like your father and I are trying to do, you can begin to move forward.”

Nancy squeezed her hand reassuringly.

“Alright,” she relented “I’ll try, _for you_.” And she would. But only for her mother’s sake, never for her father.

Their private mother-daughter moment came to an end when a small gasp echoed from the top of the stairs.

“Nancy!” Holly cried out as her feet pitter-pattered down the stairs, racing towards her long lost older sister.

“Hey, Pumpkin!” Nancy smiled, picking up the small girl and spinning her around in a circle. “How are you?”

“Great!” The 7-year old cheered. “I have another loose tooth, check it out.”

“Wow, that looks like it’s about to fall out.”

Nancy set her sister down on the chair next to her.

“Can you help me build a snowman later? Erica and I are having a competition to see who’s is better.”

“That sounds like a great idea.” Nancy said sweetly, setting down breakfast in front of her. “Can my friend Amy help?”

“Mhm!” Holly nodded excitedly. “The more help, the better.”

“Sweetie.” Karen called, handing Nancy the phone and giving her a pleading look. “Why don’t you call your father and let him know you’re in town.”

Nancy’s face fell before sighing and taking the phone. She wouldn’t complain, she just gave her word.

“Isn’t he at work?” Nancy wondered, walking over to the fridge to find his number.

“Nope.” Karen called over her shoulder. “He has Thursdays off.”

Dialing slowly, Nancy held her breath as it began to ring. She hadn’t spoken to her dad since she made it very clear that she didn’t want to hear from him anymore. What would she even say?

_“Hello, this is Ted.”_ His voice came through the speaker.

“Um, Hi, Dad.” She muttered. “It’s Nancy.”

“ _Nancy._ ” He said, shocked. “ _It’s good to hear from you. Is everything okay?_ ”

“Yeah. Yeah, everything is fine. I’m in town for Winter Break this year.” Nancy looked over as her mother began gesturing to her coffee mug and mouthing _go get coffee_ repeatedly. “And I was wondering if you’d like to get coffee.” Her mother nodded enthusiastically with a smile on her face.  

“ _Yeah. Yes, I’d love to._ ” Nancy could hear the disbelief in his voice as he let out a small chuckle. “ _When were you thinking._ ”

“Today.” She echoed her mother’s mouthing. “If you can. I think it would be good to see you before tomorrow’s party.”

“ _Okay, I could meet you at the cafe on Main in an hour._ ” He tried not to sound too eager. “ _If that works for you._ ”

“Yeah, I’ll see you there. Bye.” Nancy hung up the phone before hearing his response.

“See,” her mother said as Nancy place the phone back on the receiver. “Was that so hard?”

“Well we haven’t met, yet.” Karen gave her a look.

Nancy glanced at the clock hanging against the wall. It was eight o’clock now and if she wanted to be at Main Street in an hour, she’d have to start getting ready soon.

Throwing her dirty dishes in the sink, Nancy and her mother worked out a plan: she would take Mike’s car to meet her father while her mother, Holly, and Amy went to the grocery store to stock up for the busy next few days. A short shower and a quick change later, Nancy was halfway out the door with her brother’s keys in hand.

“You’re sure Mike won’t mind.” Nancy asked her mother who simply waved her off before shutting the door.

“He won’t be up for hours and what he doesn’t know won’t kill him.”

\---

Driving Mike’s car was an… experience.

She wasn’t the best at driving stick to begin with, but his gear shift would always stick in second gear so Nancy had barely made it out of the neighborhood and had already stalled the car twice.

Mike was going to kill her.

Even if her mother didn’t tell him she had borrowed the car, he’d have to suspect that somebody had been driving his car after she spent minutes adjusting the mirrors and moving the driver’s seat around.

By some miracle, she was able to parallel park in an open spot outside the cafe without too much difficulty and the car remained, thankfully, in one piece.

Based on the dashboard clock, she was five minutes early. _Good_ , she thought. _Better to be the first one._

As she walked through the door, a small bell jingled, notifying the owners of her presence. The shop was completely dead for it being so early in the morning. Only one other patron was dining in and she couldn’t see any employees.

Taking initiative, Nancy sat down at an empty corner booth so she could face the door. Nancy had never been there before, mostly because she never had a taste for coffee until college. But the store was actually quite nice. There was a large display case of pastries and sandwiches you could order, and the walls were covered with chalkboard menus displaying french themed drinks in beautiful cursive. Soft music filled the air and the lights above her were dimmed as if to create a soothing ambiance.

But nothing could stop her nerves from setting in as she waited for her father to appear for the first time in two years. Nancy’s knee began to bounce uncontrollably.

“Hello, welcome to Main Street Cafe, can I--?” The waitress paused looking Nancy up and down. “No shit, Wheeler is that you?”

Nancy squinted her eyes at the girl before it dawned on her “Carol?”  

Laughing, Carol climbed into the booth across from her. “Wow, the Princeton Princess finally returns to her humble origins.”

Nancy glared at her.

“Oh come on,” she jeered “I’m kidding! How are you? I haven’t seen you since graduation.”

“I’m good. How are you?” Nancy responded in slight shock that Carol even pretended to care. They were never friends-- they were never even that friendly.

Carol gestured to the cafe with a careless flick of her wrist. “Living the dream, obviously. So what brings you back to Hawkins after all this time?”

“Just spending Christmas with my family.” Nancy sighed.

“Hm.” Carol looked at her in thought, causing Nancy to feel self conscious.

“What?”

“It’s just, Byers doesn’t usually come in until noon if you’re scoping out the place.”

Nancy felt herself pale at her insinuation. Did the whole town know about their breakup? Wait, why would she even question it, _of course they did_.

“Actually, I’m just here to meet my dad.” Nancy glared at the girl, wondering what awful rumors about them Carol had spread. Once the town gossip, always the town gossip.

“Alright then,” the girl shrugged as she stood up again, voice chipper than ever, “want me to grab you coffee or anything?”

“A coffee. Black.”

Just as Carol turned away, the twinkling sound of a bell echoed in the empty shop as her father crossed the threshold. When their eyes met, he let out a nervous laugh and made his way over to her.

“Hey, Ted.” Carol called out from behind the counter. He smiled at the girl and gave her a small wave before turning back towards Nancy.

“Hey, Kiddo.” He said softly before sitting down across from her.

“Hey.” Nancy forced herself to smile slightly as she reminded herself to try for her mother.

“How have you been?” He wondered as Carol set two mugs of coffee down in front of them.

“Just the way you like it.” She turned to Ted with a smile. “One cream, one sugar.”

“Thanks, Carol.”

“I’m good.” Nancy answered once they were alone again, taking a sip from her mug. “College is...good.”

“I’m glad. Do you have a focus for your studies?”

“Sociology.” she answered quickly, “I want to study how societies deal with trauma.”

“That’s…” Ted trailed off. “Interesting.”

“Mhm.” Nancy nodded.

“Well, it was good to hear from you this morning.” Ted admitted. “After the last time we talked, you were so angry I wasn’t sure if you’d ever speak to me again.”

Nancy scoffed, her peaceful facade cracking.

“So you’re still angry.” He muttered more to himself than her.

“That you left mom out of the blue and broke apart the family? Yeah, that’s kind of hard to get over.” She sneered, no longer trying to bite back her tongue.

“That’s not what happened.” He sighed, frustration evident in his tone.

“Did you, or did you not, tell her that you wanted a divorce one night and had your stuff completely moved out the next?” She demanded with a dangerous edge to her voice.

“Nancy there is a lot more to it than that--”

“Did you even try? Did you even talk to her? You just _left_.” She paused, staring down into her mug, not even wanting to look at him anymore. “She deserved better, way more than you ever gave her.”

“Things between your mother and I had been bad for years.” he explained calmly. “We both knew it, but we wanted more than anything for us to work out.” He paused and Nancy glared at him to continue. “As much as I love your sister, Holly was our band aid solution to the bullet wound in our marriage. Nancy, I’ll always care about your mother, but I could see her misery and it reflected my own and I just knew that we both needed out and that she would never leave herself.”

“And what,” Nancy wondered in mixture of hurt and disbelief. “You think she’s happier now?”

“She says as much when I speak with her.” He retorted, honestly.

“And you’re happier, too?”

Ted paused and took a long sip from his drink.

“It’s complicated. I miss our life, our family but not as it was-- or what it became, I should say. I wouldn’t say I’m happier, but I’m in a better place in my life… Do you remember the summer you played t-ball? How we would practice hitting in the backyard together until we couldn’t see the ball anymore?”

“We’d start catching fireflies instead.” she whispered, sadly. “And Mike and Mom would join in.”

“That.” Ted pointed at her for emphasis. “That’s what I miss the most.”

“Well why give up,” she wondered. “Why throw away a 20 year relationship?”

“We tried, we gave it an honest shot.” Ted shrugged “Love isn’t always built to last, people change, drift apart, and when that happens you can either wallow in misery and grow to hate that person or you can get a second chance in life. That’s why I left.”

Nancy saw the truth in her father’s words-- not that she was ready to completely forgive him, or anything-- but she could at least begin to understand why he did it.

“I knew there was a good chance I’d lose you and Mike, the two of you are so defensive and protective of the things you love... But I’m glad you called and that I got to see you.”

Smiling, this time for real, Nancy nodded.

“Me too.”

\---

Walking back to the car, Nancy felt all the tension that harboring anger towards her father had built up slip away and felt oddly refreshed. She found herself happily humming and surrounded by people doing their last minute Christmas shopping. As she hopped down onto the street to get in the car, Nancy happened to look up and see her mother and Amy leaving the Big Buy.

Nancy went to wave at them but froze when she realized who they were talking to.

She stared, really looked this time, to make sure her eyes weren’t playing tricks on her again.

Her heart pounded against her ribcage and the world seemed to slow down. It was him-- it _had_ to be him-- standing there awkwardly with his hands shoved deep into his pockets as his mother and roommate smiled at him like a predator playing with it’s prey.

For a moment, still feeling the high from reconnecting with her father, Nancy considered marching over there and just getting the awkward reunion out of the way.

But then she heard him laugh nervously and her confidence wavered and anxiety skyrocketed. Psychologists believed that when faced with conflict, humans naturally respond in two ways: flight or fight.

And right now she wanted to book it out there before anyone saw her.

Hopping in the car, Nancy quickly fiddled with the ignition before throwing the car in reverse and pulling out of there as quickly as possible.

Taking the long way back, she was happy to find that her mother had beaten her home and there didn’t seem to be any surprise visitors waiting for her.

“Hey,” Amy greeted as Nancy walked through the door into the kitchen.

“Hey, how was the store?” she asked, feigning innocence as she grabbed a bag and put its contents away.

“Good.” Karen called from the fridge. “How was your father?”

“It was nice.” she admitted honestly, causing her mom to smile.

“I’m so glad to hear that.”

Karen shut the fridge and turned around, giving Nancy the biggest shit eating grin.

“You’ll never guess who we ran into leaving Big Buy.”

“Hm… I don’t know.” Nancy decided to play dumb, stacking canned goods in the pantry. “Tom Cruise?”

Karen shook her head.

“Jonathan Byers.”

“Is that so?” she muttered softly trying not to roll her eyes.

“Mhm. He’s on winter break as well and will be stopping by the party tomorrow.”

That caught Nancy’s attention.

“Wait, the Byers’ are coming?” She turned around and faced her mother.

“Sweetie,” Karen sighed. “I told you Mike’s friends and family were all invited. Will and El are Mike’s best friend and girlfriend, respectively. It would be weird if the Byers didn’t come. Not to mention, we will spending Christmas Eve at their house.”

Nancy stood there in shock. “Why didn’t you tell me this sooner?”

“Christmas is about family, Nancy.” She chided in that knowing tone that irked her to no end. “And if you’re father and I can be cordial, I think you can stomach your ex-boyfriend for a few hours.”

Nancy pursed her lips in anger before she felt her friend put a comforting hand on her shoulder.

“Besides,” Amy chimed in. “You’ve got me.”

Nancy opened her mouth to voice her annoyance when a loud ringing interrupted.

“Oh, I should get that.” Karen hustled over to the cordless phone on the wall before picking it up. “Hello… Oh Hi, Rachel!.. Yes, I have the time. Just let me go into the other room.”

She turned to her daughter and her friend.

“Excuse me.” Karen said quietly before shuffling out of the room leaving the two alone.

“Spill.” Nancy demanded, causing Amy to burst out laughing.

“Your mother,” she paused to catch her breath. “Is _insane_.”

Nancy quirked her eyebrow waiting for her to continue.

“We ran into him. Literally, and intentionally.”

“What?” Nancy asked, completely confused.

“So we’re leaving the store and your mom notices Jonathan standing there. She turns to me and says ‘follow my lead’ and the next thing I know, she’s rammed the cart into him and is apologizing profusely before saying ‘Jonathan, is that you?’”

Nancy groaned and rolled her eyes at her meddling mother but Amy just shook her head.

“No, wait it gets better. So your mother starts going on and on about how you surprised everyone and came home for Christmas this year and how excited she is to see you. And at this point he is pretty uncomfortable but then she tries to introduce _me_.” Amy paused giving her an devious smirk. “And I cut her off saying, ‘ _Yeah,_ _we’ve met before once. How have you been?_ ’,” she mimics herself using snarky tone. “And he kinda just nods his head and stammers out a ‘good thanks’ before your mom cuts him off saying that we needed to go but she’d see him tomorrow.”

Amy giggled again and Nancy held her face in her hands.

“Oh god, what did he say to that?” She mumbled, completely mortified.

“He just kinda went ‘Yeah, o-okay’ as we walked away.”

Nancy groaned again.

“I almost felt bad for the guy.” Amy admitted as she took a sip from her drink thoughtfully, “Almost.”

\---

After helping Holly build what was quite possibly the tallest snowman ever made until dusk, the girls decided that it would be fun to watch Frosty the Snowman, and then Rudolph, and then the Grinch, and before they knew it, they were a few hours into a makeshift Christmas Movie Marathon.

Holly and Amy had passed out on the couch halfway through Santa Claus is Coming to Town, but Nancy had continued watching without them, piles of VHS gathering next to the TV.

“What are you watching?” Mike wondered, standing at the bottom of the staircase.

“White Christmas.” she patted the spot on the floor next to him and offered him a cookie when he sat down.

They sat there in silence for a moment, enjoying the singing and dancing on screen as they ate their cookies.

“Where’s El?” Nancy wondered quietly, taking a generous sip from her boozy hot chocolate.

“Visiting Joyce’s brother in Indianapolis.”

Nancy nods.

“You two seem good, you and El.”

“We are,” her brother smiles. “We’re really good.”

“What about Dustin, Lucas, or Max. Why aren’t you with any of them?”

“I can see them anyday.” He dismissed, lightly, before joking. “How often do I get to hang out with you? Once a decade?”

“Aw.” Nancy coos pulling her brother into a side hug that he only tries to joking struggle out of for a moment before relenting and hugging her back. “That’s so sweet. You want to spend time with me.”

“Yeah.” Mike blushed, scrunching his nose as he smelled her breath. “Whoa, what is in that cup?”

“Hot chocolate with Baileys and Vodka.” she shrugged looking around the room noticing her mother had gone to bed. “Want some?”

Mike nodded, taking her cup and bringing it to his lips.

“Not bad.” He says, surprised.

Nancy stands up quickly and hurries into the kitchen to put some Baileys in a fresh mug of cocoa.

“What, no vodka?” he asks, leaning against the wall.

“This should be plenty for you.” She quirked an eyebrow questioningly.

“I drink.” he admitted, making her scoff.

“That weak beer that Steve Harrington buys you doesn’t count” Nancy smirked before adding a splash of vodka just to please him. “Happy?”

He took the cup with a muted “Thanks.”

“Merry Christmas.” She cheered softly, raising her own mug to him.

Instead of walking back to the living room like she anticipated Mike stood there looking down into his cup.

“Why haven’t you come home, Nancy?”

The question caught her off guard. It wasn’t so much that he asked-- she was sure it was what everyone had been wondering-- but the fact that Mike sounded disappointed in her had Nancy feeling dumbfounded. In the past, if he was angry with her he would scream and throw a fit, now she was taken back by how mature and adult her baby brother had become.

Nancy leaned against the counter, deep in thought. Where did she even start?

“Can we?” She gestured toward the basement door.

Mike nodded and led her down the stairs, pulling on a cord to illuminate the small, unfinished basement.

It mostly contained stacks of unpacked boxes and a washer and dryer in the corner but there was an old couch cleared off.

Sitting down Nancy pursed her lips.

“Is it because of the divorce?” Mike wondered leaning against a support beam across from her.

“I mean... that’s part of it.” She admitted, still trying to organize her thoughts.

“Because of Jonathan?” He sighed, getting impatient and acting more like the brother she knew.

“Again, that’s part of it, but I’m thinking so give me a second.”

Mike groaned and took another sip from his mug.

“Basically that first semester of college, Hawkins was the last place I wanted to be.” she started, voice so low, Mike had to lean in to hear her. “Literally two weeks before Thanksgiving, Dad asked mom for a divorce, he completely moved out of the house, and my boyfriend of two years and I got into a huge fight and broke up.” she shook her head at the memory “Amy had invited me to go home with her for break instead as a joke but I took her up on it. I don’t think I could’ve faced what I had to come back to.”

Mike stood there quietly, looking at her with his brow furrowed, deep in thought.

“Okay, well what about last year?”

“What?”

“You explained why you didn’t come home that first year, why haven’t you been home since?”

Nancy let out a deep breath and shrugged.

“Mom sold the house, I still wasn’t speaking to dad, Jonathan and I had completely lost touch and I didn’t have anyone else here--” she cut her own rambling off. “I just didn’t have a home here anymore.”

The basement fell silent as she sat there staring at her hands in her lap.

“You’re a selfish, coward.” Her brother hissed, causing her to snap her head up to look at him. “It must have been so easy for you pretend that none of this existed.” he gestured wildly. “Like nothing happened.”

“Mike-”

“Did you even stop to think about how much we needed you? How much _I_ needed you?” He cut her off. “Did you ever wonder how Holly was handling it? How stressful it was to try and be strong for everyone else?”

Nancy sat there, her heart breaking as her brother fell apart in front of her.

“You didn’t even help pack up the old house.” He sniffed, “You should’ve been here, you should’ve--”

Nancy pulled him into her arms and she held him tightly. Guilt spread throughout her body as his words sunk in.

“Why didn’t you call?” She whispered, “It was selfish, I know this, I do. But I would have come home if I knew. I _swear_.” she pleaded. “Mom sounded fine, made it sound like you were fine, that Holly was fine, and I believed her. I shouldn’t have, I should’ve known she was protecting me, but I wanted to believe it was true.”

Mike nods, still holding her tightly.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” she whispers over and over again until they both calm down.

They pull apart and Nancy stands on her toes to ruffle his hair.

“No matter how tall you get, you’ll always be my baby brother. And you can always come to me.” She nudged him. “And call me on my shit.”

Mike laughed before turning serious again.

“Alright, then do you mind telling me what happened between you and Jonathan?”

“Seriously?” she wondered in doubt.

Mike just shrugged.

“He doesn’t talk about it much and no one really knows what happened except that it was bad.”

“Wait, you’ve talked about this with him?”

“Barely.”

“Well what did he say?” Nancy demanded, totally intrigued by how he was telling the story.

Mike sighed.

“Basically that the distance and your schedules made communication hard.”

Nancy nodded, that was true enough.

“And that by the end you guys were constantly fighting over nothing.”

“Over _nothing_?” she sneered. “He calls it nothing...”

“Hey I’m just saying what he told me.” Mike placated, sensing his sister’s rage.

“ _He_ distanced himself from _me_.” she stressed. “And when I called him out, he ended it.”

Mike shot her a look.

“Jonathan said you broke up with him.”

“He was the one who hung up the phone.” she shot back.

Mike looked completely lost.

“You know, I don’t really want to get into it right now.” She sighed. “It’s late and we have a long day tomorrow.”

“Fine.” Mike sighed in disappointment.

“But, as an apology for...” she gestures broadly to the house. “Everything. I’ll let you in on a secret...”

Rolling up her left shirt sleeve, Nancy laid her inner forearm straight for him to see the floral design etched into her skin.

“Wait, is this real?” he gawked.

“Yeah. I got it after my first year at Princeton.”

“This is so badass.” he stared in awe.

“Do _not_ tell mom.”

After Mike was done freaking out over her ink, the two helped Holly and Amy to bed and called it a night.

Laying there wide awake and staring at the ceiling, Nancy couldn’t turn off her racing mind.

Tomorrow she was seeing Jonathan for the first time. They would be stuck in this house together with no escape in less than 24 hours from now.

What would their reunion be like? She had played the scenarios over and over again in her head many times before but now, they seemed more realistic and probable. Would the two of them erupt in a huge fight-- picking up where they left off all those years ago, or would the nervously avoid each other all night?

Questions filled her mind and sleep continued to evade her as Mike’s words plagued her.

_Jonathan said you broke up with him._


	3. December 22nd

Nancy hadn’t slept a wink which made cooking with her mother the following morning borderline unbearable. Not even coffee could perk her up as she cut, peeled, and diced everything set in front of her. 

“Nancy, sweetie, you’re doing it wrong,” Karen hovered, grabbing the masher from her hands. “It’s a back and forth motion, like this.” 

Nancy bit her lip until she tasted blood, restraining herself from snapping that  _ ‘they’re mashed potatoes. Is there really a wrong way to smash them?’ _

When Mike walked by Nancy nearly collapsed in relief. “Mike, here, mash the potatoes. Mom and I need help.” 

For a moment, he looked like he was going to say no so Nancy tried to convey as much of her frustration and desperation as she could in a single, pleading look.

“Okay.” he relented, taking the masher from his mother’s hand and began smashing them.

Relieved, Nancy moved away from the food to avoid her mother’s nervous nit-picking and began washing the dishes that were piling up in the sink. Scrubbing bowls and various utensils, she felt herself slip into her own little world. 

The previous night, after giving up on sleep, Nancy decided to create a list of appropriate conversation topics she and Jonathan could discuss that wouldn’t lead to awkwardness or arguments: 

‘ _ How is NYU? _ ’-- this was safe, talking about school was always safe. If trapped in conversation for too long, surely discussing college could buy them time. 

“ _ How are your mom and Hopper? _ ”-- This was also good, but it wasn’t safe. Talking about other people prevented them from speaking about themselves, but talking about love and relationships could definitely lead to awkwardness. 

“ _ How have you been? _ ”-- This was bad, too open-ended and completely unsafe. This question was to be avoided at all costs and could lead to anything, including hostility or awkwardness.

_ Worse case scenario _ , she thought.  _ I could always hid out in the bathroom.  _

“Hey” Amy entered the kitchen, hanging the phone back up against the wall. 

“Hey” Nancy cleared her throat, jerking back to reality. “How is everyone?”

“Good.” She smiled sadly. “They’re great. Just about to go pick out the tree.”

Amy’s family had many Christmas traditions that Nancy became familiar with during the past two years. One of which was cutting down their own tree. 

“Is someone going to make sure it’s not too sappy for you?” Nancy teased lightly, knowing how sad her friend must be to not be home with her family. 

“Probably not,” Amy feigned annoyance, chuckling softly. “Every year my mom picks out the sappiest tree.”

“How’s Meme?” Nancy wondered, drying the last dish and setting it in the cupboard. 

“She told me to tell you to get your butt back up there because she has no one to play Rummy with.” Nancy laughed and her heart twinged sadly. Amy’s grandmother and her had become fairly close-- closer than she was to any of her own grandparents-- and she was sad she wouldn’t get to see her this year. 

“I miss her.” Nancy whispered.

“Me too.” 

Setting the dish towel back on the counter, Nancy stretched her arms above her head as her eyelids grew heavy. It was almost noon and the party started at 4:30 giving her just enough time to nap before the long night ahead of them.

“I was thinking about going on a run.” Amy said. “I haven’t worked out since I got here and I’m beginning to go insane.”

“I was just about to lie down, I didn’t sleep well last night.” Nancy almost begged.

“That’s fine.” Amy waved her off, stretching her leg. “I can just go by myself.”

Nancy’s blood ran cold at the thought:  Amy running alone in Hawkins.

Even though nothing suspicious had happened in years, she didn’t want to chance it. 

“That’s okay.” Nancy assured as her sleep deprived body ached in protest. “I don’t want you to get lost.” 

\---

Running was suicide. 

Nancy didn’t know how Amy found pleasure in this. Her legs were numb, she couldn’t catch her breath because of the cold, and she was pretty sure if she kept going, her heart would leap completely out of her chest.

“Come on Nancy,” the girl cheered. Not looking nearly as in pain as she should. “It’s just a little further.”

“You said that half a mile ago.” She panted trying to keep up. 

As they turned the corner, Nancy noticed her neighborhood and could actually feel the tears well up in her eyes. 

“This is just like the party tonight.” Amy assured. “It may be uncomfortable and you may just want it to stop-- wishing for it to be over-- but you’ll get through it and be proud that you did.”

“What?” Nancy wondered not really able decipher her hidden meanings right now.

Amy rolled her eyes.

“You don’t think I’ve noticed how nervous you’ve been since we’ve been here-- how you tossed and turned all last night and keep staring off into space constantly?” Amy wondered and sighed in frustration when she didn’t respond. “You’ll get through it Nancy, I promise.”

She was right. Tonight, seeing Jonathan, was inevitable and there was no point in practicing polite conversation topics, no reason to hide and pretend like everything was okay. She wouldn’t cower away and retreat. She was going to face him-- and all of the awkward bullshit that came with it-- head on. 

Feet picking up slightly, Nancy felt herself go faster and her spirit life. 

“Race you back to the driveway!” She called out behind her.

She ran as fast as she could, legs burning and breath completely gone as she skidded up the driveway before collapsing on the front lawn. Amy collapsed next to her moments later, only the sounds of Nancy’s ragged breathing filled the air.

“Thanks.” Nancy was able to choke out while gasping for air as she laid in the snow. “For the pep talk.”

“No problem.”

\---

Curling irons and blow dryers balanced dangerously on the edge of the sink of the cramped guest bathroom as the girls huddled in front the of the mirror applying concealer and meticulously brushing on eyeshadow. Grabbing the hairspray, Nancy mused her hair until every curl fell perfectly in place.  

It annoyed her to the core, but some spiteful part of Nancy wanted to look good tonight. 

Reaching for her eyeliner, she heard Amy chuckle.

“What?” Nancy wondered, rubbing the pencil against her lash line, carefully. 

“Don’t play coy with me.” Her roommate teased. “I’ve lived with you for two years and I  _ know  _ you only wear eyeliner when you’re trying to impress a guy.”

“That’s not true! I wear it all the time.” She tried to deny, halting her movements.

“Mhm, the last time you wore eyeliner was when you studied with Ken two weeks ago.” 

Nancy frowned.

“And before that, it was when the two of you got coffee in September, and before  _ that _ it was when you were doing  _ whatever  _ it was you were doing with Jake last spring.”

“Well aren’t you observant.” Nancy mumbled, quickly finishing her other eye.

Amy gave her a knowing smirk. 

“Fine.” Nancy admitted pointing the pencil at her friend for emphasis. “But there is nothing wrong with wanting to show your ex what he’s missing.” 

“Can’t argue with that.” Amy shrugged before popping her lips to blend her bright red lipstick.

Nancy dropped her towel and shimmied into her dress.

“Can you?” she offered Amy her back and the girl quickly zipped her up.

Sighing, Nancy scrutinized her appearance in the mirror. The long sleeve black dress was one of her favorites, with it’s velvet material and teardrop cutouts at the neckline adorned with gold embellishments. Overall, she was satisfied with her appearance, especially the way her dark lipstick made her look older, more mature. 

After adding finishing touches to their look, the girls threw their bags back into the guest room and quickly slid on their heels before making their descent down stairs.

“Oh my goodness!” Karen gasped, camera in hands flashing wildly. “Look at both of you!” 

Nancy smiled for the pictures and wrapped an arm around Amy. 

“Mike, Holly, go stand with Nancy and Amy. I want to get a picture.” 

With only a few groans of protest, her siblings joined her on the steps and posed. 

“Mom!” Mike whined after at least the sixth photo. “That’s enough!”

Karen shot him a look before checking the clock on the wall.

“Fine, but only because people will be here soon and I haven’t placed you yet.”

“Placed?” Amy wondered quietly.

“Our assignments.” Nancy explained. “Taking coats, getting drinks... Mom always has a role for us.”

Mike’s job was to answer the door and greet people before sending them to Holly so she could offer them h’orderves. 

“Then,” Karen guided the older girls back to the kitchen, luckily the furthest spot away from the door. “You and Amy will offer our guests beverages.” 

She gestured to a small makeshift bar set up against the counter. 

“Everything but beer is out here for your convenience and if you need more ice, check the freezer.”

Nancy looked down, taking note of the various liquor and wine bottles.

“People will start arriving in about 15 minutes.” Her mother called out to the rest of the house as she made her way back to the living room. “So be ready!”

Amy turned to Nancy once they were alone.

“You’re mother is lucky I’m a decent bartender.” 

“Yeah.” 

Nancy fiddled with corkscrew and started opening a bottle of wine.

“Still nervous?” Amy handed her a plastic cup which Nancy filled with Merlot.

Giving her friend a curt nod, she took a long sip of wine and locked her eyes on the door. 

“How about this?” Amy grabbed her shoulders and guided Nancy to the other side of the counter so she was facing away from the door. “When the doorbell rings, I’ll be able to see who it is and if it’s him, I’ll squeeze your hand.” She reach across the counter and grabbed her hand. “Like this.”

Letting out a deep breath, Nancy smiled gratefully. 

“This is why I love you.”

“Yeah, Yeah,” Amy sighed pouring herself a glass of wine. “Just make yourself look busy so your mother doesn’t yell at us.”

Minutes passed and Nancy had organized the liquor bottles alphabetically by type, the wine by shade, and had run out of distractions. 

When the doorbell rang for the first time, Nancy’s eyes shot up to Amy who was calmly slicing a lime. She heard her brother greeting their guests and Amy looked over her shoulder before giving her a subtle shake of her head. 

Letting out a breath she didn’t even know she was holding, Nancy turned around to see the Sinclair family walk in. Lucas and Erica both chatted with her siblings as Karen greeted their parents.

“Nancy!” Mrs. Sinclair beamed at her. “It’s so good to see you!”

“Hi Mrs. and Mr. Sinclair.” Nancy waved. “How are you both?”

“We’re doing well.” Mr. Sinclair nodded, handing Mike his coat before walking over to her. “How’s Princeton treating you?”

“I’m enjoying it greatly.” Nancy smiled before turning to her friend. “This is my good friend and roommate, Amy. She’s spending Christmas with us this year.”

“Nice to meet you, Amy.” Mrs. Sinclair nodded kindly. 

“Welcome to Hawkins.” Mr. Sinclair shook her hand.    

“Thank you, it’s nice to meet you as well.” 

Nancy and Sinclairs caught up as Amy poured them each a glass of wine. 

Just as Nancy finished directing her old neighbors to the h’orderves, the doorbell rang a second time. 

Nancy’s back was towards the door and before Amy could even shake her head at her, she heard her mom mother gasp in surprise.

“Steve, honey, I didn’t know you were stopping by.”

_ Steve? _

Nancy whipped around and sure enough, Steve Harrington was standing in the living room.

“Well, I heard someone decided to finally show her face in Hawkins and I had to say hi.” He turned and smiled at her. “Hey Nance.”

A genuine smile broke across her face as he walked over to her. 

“Steve, what are you doing here?” She pulled her old friend into a tight hug. “I thought you were in Indianapolis now.”

“It’s the holidays.” Steve looked at her as though it were obvious.

Nancy guided him over to the bar and introduced him to Amy.

When the door rings a third time, she flinches.

“No need to jump out of your skin.” He teased quietly, patting her on the back. “I’m pretty sure it’s just Dustin and his mom. I saw them parking while I was walking up the driveway.”

She glares at him and takes a sip of her wine. 

“I’m supposed to offer you a drink if you’d like.” 

“Just a beer is fine.” 

Nancy went to the fridge, tucked away in it’s own, private, sectioned-off room, and grabbed a bottle.

“So Amy, you’ve been living with Nancy for a few years, huh? I’m sure you have plenty of great stories to tell.” Steve leaned over the counter towards her friend with a devious twinkle in his eye. 

“Oh plenty.” She smirked causing Nancy to grimace. 

“I don’t like this.” She gestured between the two of them. “You’re both going to get me in trouble.”

Steve laughs before taking a swig and turning to Nancy. 

“So, you haven’t seen Byers yet?” He asked and Nancy shook her head. “Well, he’s coming tonight.”

Nancy looked at him in disbelief.

“What, you two still talk?” 

Steve shrugged.

“Guess you can say we’re kinda like Nancy Wheeler’s Broken Hearts Club.” Nancy swatted him, hard.

“Wait, you two dated?” Amy looked at them both in confusion.

“Yeah.” Nancy admitted. “Steve was my first boyfriend.”

Amy furrowed her eyebrows.

“But you guys seem so... amicable.” 

“Well we’ve been friends for longer than we ever dated.” Steve chimed in before pointedly looking at Nancy. “And we talked about it-- got closure-- before becoming friends.” 

Nancy knew what he was trying to imply but instead of arguing about what happened two years ago, she merely rolled her eyes and looked at Amy who was staring back at her with a mischievous glint as she bit her lip. 

“Fine, one story.” Nancy sighed defeatedly. “Tell him about Spring Semester Blowout last year.”  

Amy perked up.

“Last Spring, after we we finished finals, Nancy drags me to this house party a guy from her class was throwing and just gets,” She uses her hands for emphasis, “Trashed.”

“I would like to add that I don’t even remember most of this night.” Nancy defended upfront.

“So, I cut Nancy off but she seemed to keep finding drinks on her own and before I know it she’s gone.” 

Steve leaned closer hanging on to her every word.

“Turns out that Nancy, who could barely even walk, got a group together to go Christmas caroling in the middle of May.”

“Nice, Nance.” Steve teased but Amy interrupted.

“No, it gets better. So, Nancy is off caroling at 3 am in the residential area off campus and gets the cops called on her. Meanwhile, I’m freaking out because no one can find her and I’m assuming the worst until I finally get a call from the police station letting me know that Nancy has been arrested for underage drinking and public intoxication and I could pick her up at 10 am the next morning.” 

Steve and Amy burst out into a fit of giggles as Nancy tries not to blush in embarrassment. 

“Tell anyone and I’ll beat your ass.” Nancy warned Steve as he wiped his eyes from laughing so hard. 

“Jesus.” he chuckled. 

The doorbell rang a fourth time.

Nancy didn’t need Amy to squeeze her hand. She knew in the deepest pit of her stomach that it was him. 

Deduction was also on her side. It was either the Byers family or her dad and well, she knew Joyce Byers’ cheery hello like the back of her hand. 

Amy reached over and grabbed her hand and Steve placed a hand on her shoulder. 

“Well, looks like I should to go say hi to Hendersons. Good luck, Nance.” 

As he left, Nancy suddenly felt abandoned and vulnerable. Looking up at Amy in panic, she mouthed ‘don’t leave me’ and Amy squeezed her hand reassuringly. 

“There she is!” Joyce cried out in delight from across the room and Nancy turned around and focused all her attention on the glowing woman bounding over to her. 

Nancy wasn’t sure if it was her high strung nerves, the lack of sleep, or the fact that Mrs. Byers was like a second mother to her, but she couldn’t stop her eyes from welling up in joy and wrapping the small woman in a tight embrace. 

“Oh, I’ve missed you sweetie.” Joyce cooed into her shoulder. 

“I’ve missed you too.” Nancy whispered giving her one last squeeze before pulling away and wiping a stray tear. 

“Hey Nancy.” Hopper pulled her into a warm hug as well. “How’re you kiddo?”

“Hey Chief, I’m okay.” She pulled away before gesturing between the two of them “I haven’t seen you two since you got married. Congratulations.” 

“Thank you.” Joyce took Hopper’s hand and gave it a squeeze smiling at him lovingly. “I’ve got a really great guy.”

Nancy smiled at them before remembering her manners.

“Um, sorry, this is my roommate, Amy. She’s spending Christmas with us this year.” Nancy gestured behind her. 

“Nice to meet you Amy. I’m Jim and this is my wife Joyce.” Amy shook both of their hands.

“It’s nice to finally meet you both. Nancy has told me so much about you.”

 

“Hopefully not too much.” Hopper gave Nancy a sideward glance and she subtly shook her head no. Assuring him she did  _ not _ tell her roommate about the Upside Down and all the paranormal occurrences of Hawkins, Indiana.

“So, Amy.” Joyce smiled. “Where are you from.”

“I grew up in Ottawa.” 

“Canada, wow.”   
“Yeah, It’s beautiful.” Nancy chimed in. “I spent Christmas there the past two years and it was amazing.” 

“I’m sure.” Joyce nodded politely.

“Well, is there anything I can get you two to drink.” Amy offered, gesturing to the array of beverages in front of them.

“Beer, if you have any.” Hopper smiled.

“And I’ll have a vodka tonic.” Joyce added.

“I’ll get the beer.”Nancy offered, pulling away from the group with a spring in her step. 

She felt fine-- confident even-- and was able to mute her concerns related to the unavoidable awkwardness of her ex-boyfriend’s presence. That was until she turned the corner and saw Jonathan Byers standing there, startled, with the fridge wide open.

“Hey.” Nancy gasped, instantly halting her stride. She prayed she didn’t sound as frightened as she thought she did. But in all honesty, Nancy felt like she was looking at a ghost.

Maybe not a ghost, perse, but a relic of the past. Granted, it had only been two years since she had seen him but he looked exactly the same. Maybe, she considered, there was a weariness to his eyes that hadn’t been there before but his messy fringe hid it well. 

“Hey.” He responded timidly as they both stood there, frozen and staring blankly at one another. 

“I just need to get a beer for Hopper.” She explained once her brain started working again, taking small hesitant steps towards the fridge. 

“Oh, sure.” He reached in a grabbed a bottle and handed it to her, making sure their fingers didn’t touch.  

“Thanks.” She held the bottle in her hands. “Are you looking for something?”

He gives her a confused look.

“In the fridge?” Nancy tries to keep her voice from shaking.

“Water.” He clears his throat “I’m, uh, looking for some water.” 

“Ah, that’s back over by the bar.” she pointed towards Amy and his mom.  “I’ll, um, get you some.” 

Legs suddenly functioning again, Nancy stumbled back to the bar and quickly poured some water into a cup. She hesitated, briefly, wondering whether or not she should put ice in it as her heart pounded against her chest, overpowering her thoughts. 

Deciding rattling ice would only make her trembling hands more noticeable, she walked back over to him with a luke-warm drink. 

“Merry Christmas.” She offered as he once again carefully avoided any contact with her hand while reaching for the glass. 

“Merry Christmas.” Jonathan echoed before quickly averting his gaze and walking away with a small nod. 

Tucked out of view, Nancy stood frozen and alone as her brain tried to process what had just happened. They had talked, been cordial as her mother suggested, but it left her feeling unnerved. 

When Nancy had contemplated what seeing him for the first time would be like, she had come up with thousands of various scenarios from them angrily tearing into each other to them tearing each other’s clothes off. She had expected it to be awkward and for there to be nervousness, but what she never imagined was for it to be so shallow and void of emotion. 

Maybe Steve was right, maybe she wanted closure because she sure as hell didn’t want whatever  _ that _ was.

As soon as Ted arrived, Karen called all the adults into the dining room and everyone under twenty shuffled into the kitchen sitting themselves at the ‘kids’ table. 

“Now everyone has a place card.” her mother instructed. “So make sure you sit in your spot.”

Nancy walked around the large table and found her herself tucked between Amy and her father. Sighing in relief, Nancy slid into her seat and smiled at Steve when he sat down across from her. She tried not to grimace when Jonathan sat down across from Amy. 

Light chatter broke out around the table as everyone passed platters of food around. Mr. Sinclair and Her dad were talking business, Mrs. Sinclair and Hopper were discussing the new movie, Rainman, and her mother and Joyce were whispering at the head of the table.

“So,” Steve broke the silence between them as him piled slices of ham onto his plate. “What did everyone ask Santa for this year?”  

“A New TV.” Amy said before shoving potatoes into her mouth.

“Hm…” Nancy pondered. “I asked for toaster oven, but a mustang convertible would be nice too.”

“Dream big.” Steve commented before turning to Jonathan. “What about you.”   
“A new bike would be great,” he shrugged. “but I’m not holding my breath.”

“You still haven’t replaced the one that got stolen?” Steve wondered in shock.

“Hey, bikes cost money.”

“Wait, wait, wait.” Amy interrupted. “Were you on the bike when it got stolen or…”

“No, no.” Jonathan smiled. “Someone cut through my lock one night.”

“Hey,” Steve turned to Amy, “but I wouldn’t be surprised if someone tried to steal his bike while he was riding it. Chicago doesn’t mess around.” 

“Chicago?” Nancy asked in confusion as her the words fell from her mouth faster than she could process them and her eyes locked with Jonathan, genuinely curious.

“Um, yeah.” He sighed holding her gaze, causing her stomach to tighten. “I transferred to a program in Chicago after a year in New York… Long story short it was just a better fit for me.”

“Oh.” Nancy didn’t know what else to say. But the new information was like a splash of cold water to the face. All these years she had thought he was within reach-- had even drunkenly considered a taking a train to confront him in New York-- when in reality, he was further away than ever before. 

“What about you, Steve?” Amy wondered, trying to break the awkward silence Nancy caused. 

 

“Uh… probably a CD player.” He nodded. “But I’d also just accept cash.” 

 

The rest of dinner had been relatively uneventful. The parents seemed to keep to themselves as the young adults made polite small talk as they at their food. Conversation mostly consisted of Amy and Steve chatting while Jonathan and Nancy stared at their plate and played with their food. But every once in a while, their extroverted friends were able to drag them back into the conversation.

“Nancy is terrifying.” Amy insisted causing Steve to laugh. “I’m serious!”

Nancy jerked as she felt her friend kick her under the table.

“Tell them about the time you threatened to kill that guy.”

“ _ What? _ ” Steve’s eyes widened and Jonathan spit out his beer. 

“I didn’t threaten to  _ kill _ him.” Nancy defended. “But we were at a bar and I saw this guy giving this girl a hard time, so I calmly went over to him--” Amy snorted “and told him to leave her alone.” 

“Um, there was a bit more to it...” 

Nancy glared at her.

“...I may have threatened to castrate him with a broken beer bottle if he didn’t.”

As Steve gawked at her in shock and Amy and him swapped more stories of her past, Nancy couldn’t help but notice the brief, soft smile Jonathan shot at her.

\---

After everyone was full beyond comfort, the tables were cleared and the parents retired to the living room leaving the kids stuck in the kitchen doing the dishes. 

Nancy was on leftover duty and had scraped the remaining food into tupperware containers and stacked them haphazardly in the fridge.

“Hey, Will.” Nancy greeted as she brought the empty platters over to the sink.

“Nancy, hey!” Will smiled and lifted his wet hands out of the water to hug her before stopping himself. “I’ll hug you later.”

Nancy laughed and ruffled his hair. 

“God, I can’t believe how old you all are now.” She sighed looking around the kitchen at the boys who were now men.

“You’re only 21.” Mike rolled his eyes in embarrassment as he passed by grabbing a new stack of plates to put away.

“Let’s see how you look at Holly when you’re my age.” 

“Hey, Nance.” Dustin waved while scraping off remnants into the trash. “How the hell are you?” 

Nancy put an arm around the boy, giving him a side hug. “I’m good, how have you been?”

“Can’t complain.” 

“We’re all heading down to the basement after this.” Lucas chimed in, taking the plates from Dustin. “You guys should come to.” 

“Sounds fun.” she smiled

Nancy quickly raided the bar, grabbing a bottle of tequila and a stack of cups before sneaking down to the basement. El and Steve had already brought down some extra chairs and Amy and Jonathan were trying to set up the portable turntable so they could play music. 

Dusting off an old Duran Duran album, Amy placed the needle on the record’s edge and music filled the small space.  

“Hey,” Steve cheered when he noticed the tequila in her hands. “Now it’s a party.” 

“We could play a drinking game.” Dustin suggested as the rest of the group clamored down the stairs.

“Does anyone have any cards?” Jonathan wondered.

“Oh!” Amy squeals “We should play Never Have I Ever!” 

“I’m game” Dustin cheers as he reaches for the tequila. 

“Wait, I don’t want to play this with my little brother.” Nancy wrinkled her nose as she sat down on the couch and Mike nodded frantically in agreement.

“That’s just gross.” He shuddered as Will and Lucas booed them. 

“We’ll keep it clean.” Steve assured, grabbing the bottle from Dustin and quickly filling everyone else’s cup. “In fact, I’ll go first.” He suggested plopping down across from Nancy. “Never have I ever spent the night in jail.” 

Amy bursts into a fit of giggles across the room as Nancy gives him the dirtiest look before taking a drink.

The circle broke out into a collection of surprised gasps and questions.

“What the  _ hell _ , Nancy?” Mike gasped, astonished. 

“I’m going to kill you, you couldn’t keep that secret for even 5 hours.” She addressed Steve ignoring her brother and his friends.

Steve looked quite pleased with himself and as mad as she was, she couldn’t deny the satisfaction that seeing shock wash over Jonathan’s face brought.

“Apparently, drunk Nancy decided to go caroling last May in a residential neighborhood at 3 am and they called the cops on her.” 

“Hey, there was a group of us.” She defended as the rest of the circle broke out into fits of laughter. 

“I had to bail her out the following morning.” Amy added between breaths. “She was the most pathetic thing I had ever seen.” 

Nancy rolled her eyes and turned to Mike who was still laughing his ass off. 

“Mom and dad can never find out.” He nodded understandingly.

Nancy turned back to face Steve, no mercy in her eyes.

“Well Harrington, two can play at that game.” she smirked as his face fell. “Never have I ever had a wet dream about Scooby-Doo.”

Now it was Steve’s turn deflect everyone’s shock. 

“Hey we promised to keep it clean.” He sneered taking a swig of his drink before cringing. 

“I promised nothing.” 

“Okay me next!” Lucas sat down next to Steve. “Never have I ever had my driver’s license.”

The entire group groaned and took a drink. 

The game continued around the circle some rounds a cheap ploy to get everyone to drink while others were deliberately aimed at one person. 

She learned that most of them had been high before, Dustin frequently shaved his chest ‘for the ladies’-- his words-- and most recently, Mike had tried to bleach his hair once before buzzing it all off. 

Huffing in embarrassment as his friend’s teasing died down, Mike thought carefully about his turn.

“Never have I ever...” he sighed looking around the room before stopping on his sister. “Had a tattoo!” 

“Wow Mike.” Dustin sneered. “Way to throw your girlfriend under the bus.”

“That’s not what I was-- Shit, El, my bad.” El shrugged completely unphased as she took a sip from her cup. 

Nancy quickly took a sip, hoping no one would notice. 

“You have a tattoo?” Jonathan asked, surprising her.   

“Um, yeah.” She held out her arm and rolled up her sleeve to expose the floral design for him to see. For a moment, she thought he might reach out and touch it as he leaned over to get a better look, but his hands remained fastened to his cup. 

“That’s awesome.” Will gasped as everyone moved closer to see. 

“Thanks.” Nancy whispered. “It’s- uh- a sketch Barb did that I really liked.” 

The air grew somber as everyone recalled the girl they couldn’t save. 

“You should show them the other one.” Amy slurred from the armrest behind her. Apparently she was now downing the liquor without the context of the game. “It’s tight.”

Nancy glared at her. 

“You have another one?” Mike sounded insulted. 

“Yeah, but it’s on my back.” 

Before Nancy could clarify that it was  _ not  _ a tramp stamp, her roommate was pulling the zipper of her dress down. 

“Amy!” she cried out, mortified, but she didn’t stop, only made shushing noises and assured  “I know where it ends.” 

Holding her hands to her chest, Nancy turned slowly on the couch making sure she didn’t accidentally expose herself. 

“Bitchin’.” El called out making Nancy smile even though she was feeling oddly vulnerable exposing her bare back to a group that she couldn’t see.

“Yeah that’s-” Dustin started.

“Bad ass.” Lucas finished.

“Thanks.” she turned back around letting Amy zip her back up. 

“Does it have a meaning?” Jonathan asked, his eyes meeting hers and for the first time that night, there were no walls not linger apprehension or awkwardness. He was looking at her with a soft gaze and unwavering curiosity as he studied her, like he used to. 

“Yeah,” she held his gaze. “The lotus blossom symbolizes enlightenment, rebirth, resilience…” she trailed off. 

Jonathan nodded before knocking his drink back the rest of the way and diverting his gaze once again. 

“Never have I ever gone to elementary school.” El called out causing everyone to groan and down their drink.

By the time it was Nancy’s turn she could definitely feel the effects of the alcohol.

“I have a tough decision to make.” Nancy hiccuped. “I really want to say something embarrassing about Amy since she has so lovingly thrown me under the bus tonight.” She paused to refocus her thoughts. “But if I do, she’s just going to say something bad about me next.  _ But _ -” she gasped in realization. “I could go easy on you and you could still say something about me because you’re drunk-” 

“I am very drunk.” Amy admitted.

“Right, so your filter is like,” Nancy made a gesture with arm, “gone. So… Never have I ever thrown up all over a guy as I was going down on him.” 

There was a collection of disgusted ‘ew’s as Amy took a sip. 

“Never have I ever had sex with Nancy Wheeler.” She slurred without missing a beat, watching as Nany’s smirk melted into pure horror. 

Nancy’s gaze shifted to her former lovers who were both taking their respective sips and looking anywhere but at her or eachother. The tension in the room was palpable.  

“Oh come on.” Mike whined earning a few nervous laughs.

The game had eventually died down as more and more people lost interest and began side conversations.

Steve and Amy were arguing about hockey while the younger kids were animatedly discussing the newest nintendo game. 

Nancy relaxed against the back of the couch, staring down as she sloshed around the contents in her cup. Flicking her eyes upward, she caught Jonathan watching her for a moment before he looked away.  

“Hey,” she said softly so only he could hear her, both of them trapped between the two bickering groups. “Can we?” she trailed off gesturing to the patio door. The tequila giving her more confidence than she would ever have sober. 

Nancy saw the hesitation plainly on his face but he nodded anyways. 

“Yeah.”

She stood up from the couch and led him outside, pretending not to notice the silence that fell over the basement. 

The door shut behind them as she stood facing the snow covered yard, eyes closed as she gathered her thoughts. Earlier, when she first saw him, the carefully constructed words that she envisioned screaming at him since their last conversation died on her tongue...

...but now the alcohol helped fill in the blanks.

Arms crossed tightly across her chest and adrenaline coursing through her veins, she barely noticed the cold air as she turned around to face him.

“I hate that I can’t talk to you, that I have to pretend that you weren’t a huge part of my life.” Nancy tried not to slur, staring at him as he avoided her gaze. “I-I hate all the cordial bullshit,” she gestured wildly with her hand. “All this polite small talk as if nothing ever happened.” 

“S-so what,” Jonathan asked incredulously, cocking his head so that his eyes met hers for the first time. “You want to pick up a fight from two years ago?” 

“No, I’m not saying that.” She shook her head furrowed her brow. “I just think if we talk about what happened it could help.”

“You want closure.” It wasn’t so much of a question as it was a statement. 

“Essentially.”

He sighed, moving to lean against the side of the house. The fluorescent porch light shining above them. 

“What happened between us?” She whispered, hating the cliched question but not knowing how else to approach the situation.

Jonathan tapped his foot a few times before letting out a breath and looking away again.

“We were living hours apart, going to different schools…” he trailed off and shrugged. “It just seemed that by the end, we were fighting over everything and I could feel you pulling away.” 

Nancy bit her lip. 

“I was pulling away?” she asked in disbelief. “ _ I  _ was the one driving to NYU to visit you, _ I _ was the one who tried to get to know your new friends-- to stay a part of  _ your _ life.”

“You think I didn’t want to be a part of your life?” he shot back, leaning forward to stand up straight.

“You never visited me, you rarely even called me.” she explained. “God-- even when you did, the conversation lasted for what? Five minutes, at most?”

“I had to call you on a pay phone!” He defended in exasperation. “And did it even occur to you that I was busy? That as much as I’d like to call you, I just didn’t have the time?”

“Oh, but you sure had time to go to the bar with Chris and Trey.” she spat crossing her arms in front of her. “I felt like an inconvenience, like our relationship only existed when it fit into your schedule.” Nancy felt tears prick her eyes but she wouldn’t let them betray her resolve. “I sat in my dorm room every night for months, waiting for you to call because if I missed it, who knows how long it would be until I heard from you again.”

Jonathan stared at her, eyebrows knit together and his gaze filled with anger and hurt. But as small as it was, there was something else there that made Nancy’s breath hitch.

Was it regret?

“Okay, how about the last time you visited?” He asked.

“What about it?” 

Jonathan cursed under his breath and ran a hand through his hair. 

“You barely said 10 words to me the entire weekend!”

“We were never together!” she yelled back. “We were always at some art school event, or with your roommates. We didn’t even get any alone time.” 

“That didn’t mean I didn’t want to talk to you-- be with you.”  _ love you  _ went unspoken but she could feel the words pull on her as his voice cracked with emotion. 

Nancy wanted to believe him, wanted to forgive him and accept that sometimes, love just wasn’t enough. But one question still loomed over her head.

“Well then, how do you explain blowing off our anniversary?”

And there it was, the event which triggered their break up all those years ago. 

“I didn’t blow it off-”

“You got my hopes up,” she accused, trying to convey as much of her hurt as possible. “You told me you’d take the train and visit me, promised and promised that we’d spend the entire weekend together-- for  _ weeks _ \-- only to call the day beforehand and say you weren’t coming at all.” 

 

Nancy quickly wiped a tear away as she desperately fought to control her quivering lip. 

 

“Jesus Christ, Nancy.” Jonathan stood there holding his face in his hand for a moment. “The professor added a bunch of new requirements to our final projects at the last second and as hard as I tried to finish in time, it just wasn’t possible.” 

“And I get that, I do.” Jonathan shot her a skeptical look. “But I missed you, and I needed you, and you--” Her voice quivered, hurt evident to even her own ears. “You just said ‘Hey, this has to be quick, but I have a huge project due next week that I’m going to be constantly working on so I can’t make it this weekend.’”

“Don’t do that.” he sneered.

“What?”    
“Try and make me sound like the bad guy.” 

Nancy gaped at him incredulously for a moment before finding her voice again. 

“You weren’t there for me, you hadn’t been there for me since college started.” 

“Oh really,” he laughed, humorlessly. “Because It was  _ you _ who said that there was nothing to our relationship beyond what happened with the lab.” Jonathan argued, voice was shaking. “ _ You  _ who dismissed the years we spent together like they meant nothing-- nothing more than the results of shared trauma.” 

Nancy squeezed her eyes shut trying to make sense of what he was saying.

“That’s not-” she gasped trying to find her voice. “That’s not what I meant.” 

“Then why did you say it?” He was standing so close to her now, looming over her. If she wanted to, she could collapse against his chest,  pull him close like she used to and whisper all the apologies he deserved to hear and laugh at how poorly they communicated...

But the damage was too severe. They had both endured too much.

“I was hurt.” she admitted.

“So what, you were trying to deliberately hurt me back?” 

“No, I was trying to explain how unhappy I was.” Nancy snapped. “I was trying to tell you how hurt I’d been feeling and-”

“Bullshit.” he interrupted. 

“Excuse me?” 

“Bullshit.” He echoed louder. “We may not have seen each other in a few years but I still know you, Nance.” The nickname mixed with his lethal tone sent a shiver down her spine. “And I know when you’re lying.”

Nancy shoved him away from her. 

“You hung up on me.” She spat, shaking her finger at him. “You didn’t even try to--”

“I called you 20 times over the following week.” he admitted and Nancy felt her heart stop. “And everytime the line was disconnected.” He paused, shaking his head. “So don’t you dare say I didn’t try.” 

Nancy stared at her feet, head pounding.

“You’re the one who threw our relationship away.” he muttered, voice thick, as he pushed past her to head back inside. “How’s that for closure.” 

The door slammed shut.

Nancy was suddenly surrounded by only the still of the night and the silence of fluffy flakes of snow falling effortly from the sky. But instead of relief, she felt the weight of his words hit her, hard.

Legs trembling until finally giving out under her, Nancy collapsed on the porch; hand pressed tightly against her mouth as she tried to hold back the sobs racking her body. She was mad at him, furious that he still failed to see how abandoned she felt. But she was also angry because he was right. 

Her stubbornness, though her greatest quality in some respects, had been the last straw. She deliberately made herself unavailable to him by unplugging the dorm phone for two weeks-- distancing herself from him like he did to her and giving him a taste of his own medicine. At the time it seemed like a brilliant, fitting decision stemming from her anger and hurt.

But now... 

He had called her--  _ 20 times _ \-- after their fight and she couldn’t shake the mental picture of him hunched over at a phone booth, day after day, hoping that maybe this time she would pick up.  

For so long, she had pinned their failed relationship completely on his inattentiveness to her needs, but now she realized it was her who drove the final nail in the coffin. 


	4. December 23rd

As the bright, morning sun peeked through the window above her, Nancy groggily sat up as the events of the previous night slowly emerged. She recalled the drinking game, the argument, and passing out face first on the basement couch both physically and mentally exhausted from all the emotional turmoil. 

“Morning.” Amy croaked from the top of the stairs holding to steaming mugs of coffee.

“Hey.” Nancy called out, blinking quickly as her eyes adjusted to the light. 

Her friend offered her a mug before sitting next to her on the couch. 

“How are you?” she prodded after a moment. Nancy only groaned in response “Yeah, I figured…”

“What happened after I,” Nancy paused “left.”

“Well,” Amy sighed swinging her leg up onto the couch. “Your brother and his friends hung out in his room. The adults stayed up really late in the living room.  _ Oh- _ ” she gasped “your mom got really, really drunk so I wouldn’t expect her to be up before noon.”

“Like mother like daughter.” Nancy attempted to joke causing Amy to smile.

“Ha, right… And Steve and I talked” she shrugged. “We tried to join in on adults’ conversation at one point, but they were discussing some local school board issue that we were clueless on. And that’s about it.” 

“Hm… you two seemed to really hit it off.” 

“He’s a nice guy.” Amy insisted, “But it’s not what you think.” 

“It’s okay if you like him, he is a great guy.” Nancy assured resting her hand on her roommate’s knee. 

“Trust me, Nance, it’s not like that.” Amy paused to take a drink of her coffee. “In fact we spent most of the time talking about you.” 

Nancy frowned.

“All good things, I swear.” Amy added quickly. 

They sat in the frigid room, huddled under the thick comforter, in silence-- enjoying the peace and quiet. 

“So,” Amy wondered, disrupting the moment. “Do you want to talk about it or…?”

Nancy sighed knowing as much as she wanted to pretend nothing happened, it was probably better to talk about it. 

“It didn’t go well,” she admitted. “We fought.” 

“Loudly” Amy added. “I’m pretty sure your neighbors could hear.”

“Shit.” Nancy cursed resting her head in her hands. “Did anyone upstairs hear?”

Amy shook her head. “They were all pretty drunk and talking so loudly that your screaming probably got drowned out. But when Jonathan came back inside begging to leave, I think everyone kinda figured out what happened.” 

Nancy pulled her legs into her chest and sat there quietly, her mind far away .

“He looked really upset.” 

Nancy flinched and buried her face.

“Did he hurt you?” Amy asked, her voice strong and laced with concern grounding Nancy back to reality .

“What?  _ No. _ ” She stressed, popping her head up. “It was nothing like that, he would  _ never _ … No. It’s just--” she paused trying to find the right words. “It’s just different.” 

“Different?” Nancy nodded.

“He called me,” she said softly. “20 times.” 

“And…? Nancy, does that change anything about the months leading up to the break up? How he treated you?” 

“No-” Nancy assured. “No, not at all. I’m not saying that.” She huffed trying to find the words. “I just assumed after that night, we both had agreed it was over.”   
“But now?” Amy wondered.

“He called.” Nancy sighed, staring up at the ceiling. “20 times… and I had no idea.”

Her friend looked at her in confusion. “Yeah, that was the point of unplugging the phone. You said you didn’t want to talk to him.”

“I know, I know.” she sighed. “I’m just processing everything he said last night and I may have made a mistake.” 

Amy wrapped an arm around the girl.

“It’s so stupid.” Nancy rested her head into the crook of her friend’s neck, her voice thick with emotion. “But I feel like I’ve lost him all over again.”

They fell into a peaceful quiet as her friend rubbed soothing circles against her back. 

“Well,” Nancy sniffed and sat up straight. “We just have to endure Christmas Eve together and then none of this will matter anymore.”

“Yeah right,”Amy sighed, looking at her friend with pity. “Nancy, people who are ready to move on from their ex don’t cry over them all night just because they called two years ago.”

When they entered the kitchen, Nancy was surprised to find it empty. Not that she was upset, she didn’t really have an appetite right now, but her mother  _ always _ had a breakfast spread. 

“Morning, Holly.” Amy cheered, ruffling the girl’s bed head. 

“Hm.” The child pouted, crossing her arms in front of her.

“What’s with you?” Nancy wondered as she measured out coffee grounds.

“Mom was going to take Erica and I ice skating at the park but now she’s too sick.”

Nancy assumed sick meant hungover.

“Oh, ice skating is so much fun.” Amy smiled at Nancy. “Maybe your sister and I could take you.” 

“Really?” The girl perked up. 

“Sure, Pumpkin.” Nancy assured. “As long as Mrs. Sinclair doesn’t mind.” 

“Great, I’ll go get ready!” Holly cheered as she raced back upstairs to her room. 

Peeking around the corner, Nancy saw her mother draped across the living room loveseat with a towel over face.

“Mom?” Nancy whispered. 

“Yes, sweetie.” She croaked. 

“Amy and I are going to take Erica and Holly to the park since you’re...sick.”

“Thank you.” Karen sighed as she tried to sit up. “But make sure she eats breakfast first, and that they both wear hats and gloves.”

“I know.”

“Oh, and Nancy, before I forget, last night we drew for Secret Santa and since you weren’t there, I picked for you.” She pointed towards the kitchen. “The envelope is on the fridge. It’s a ten dollar limit and make sure it’s wrapped.”

“Okay thanks.” Nancy made her way back to the kitchen and plucked the card from the fridge. “Can I get you anything?”

“No” Her mother called from the other room. “I’ll be fine, I just need to sleep it off.”

Tearing at the paper, Nancy pulled out a single card and almost laughed. By some cruel and ironic fate, her mother had picked Jonathan Byers.

“We’ll need to go shopping today too, huh?” Amy wondered.

“Yeah.” But what the hell was she going to buy him?

\---

The park was the busiest Nancy had ever seen. If she had to guess, she would say that nearly the entire town was there skating and playing in the snow. 

“Come on!” Holly cheered from the ice, Amy and Erica were already spinning and doing tricks in the middle.

Unlike her friend, Nancy was a pretty poor skater. 

“You’re going to have to hold my hand to keep me from falling.” She warned but her sister merely tugged her along.

“It’s just like walking!” Holly whined.

Once they skated around the rink a few times, Nancy began to get the hang of it and let go of her sister’s hand. 

“Did you find your secret santa gift yet?” The seven year old wondered.

“No.” Nancy held her hands out to balance herself. “I’m not entirely sure what I should get either.”

“Well,” Holly spun around and started skating backwards. “Who do you have?”

Nancy smirked.

“Well, if I told you it wouldn’t be a secret anymore, would it?” 

“I can keep a secret!”

The older girl was about to retort when someone knocked into her.

“Hey guys!” Erica cheered, wrapping her arms around Nancy. “Amy is teaching me so many cool moves!”

“Yeah, you two look like pros.” Nancy latched onto the girl, afraid that if she let go she’d fall. “Maybe Amy can teach me how to skate without holding onto the wall.”

The young girls laughed.

“We were about to go get some cocoa if you’d like to come with us.” Erica offered.

“Sure!” Nancy cheered, trying not to sound too excited about getting off the ice. “But someone is going to have to pull me.”

As the girls waited in line, Holly and Erica were chatting away but Amy was uncharacteristically quiet. 

“Got something on your mind?” Nancy wondered as she fixed the hat on her head. 

“Ah it’s nothing.” The girl waved her off.

“Amy, you’ve listened to my problems for the last three days. Come on, let me help  _ you _ .”

Her friend smiled slightly though her face was still etched with melancholy.

“It’s just the closer we get to Christmas, the fact that I’m not going home is setting in. I’m having a great time with your family--” Amy assured quickly. “But it’s just…”

“It’s not home.” Nancy finished, completely understanding.

“I don’t know how you did it the past few years.” 

“Well if there’s anything we can do...” Nancy offered but Amy quickly shook her head.

“You all have already done more than enough. Thank you.”

And with that, Amy grabbed her hot chocolate and quickly chased after Erica who was already making her way back to the rink. 

“Hm…” Nancy hummed, piquing Holly’s interest. They needed to do something to cheer Amy up. 

“Would you mind helping me plan a surprise for Amy?” Nancy asked, taking a sip of her cocoa.

“Sure,” she nodded excitedly. “Like what?”

“There’s this game her family plays every Christmas Eve.” Nancy explained, watching as a group of children pelted one another with snowballs. “And I need your help gathering all of the supplies and convincing everyone else to play.”

“What is it?”

\---

As soon as they returned to the house, the Wheeler girls put their plan in motion. Holly was quick to drag Amy into a game of Monopoly-- giving Nancy the opportunity to sneak off and try and recruit Mike.

His car was in the driveway so she hoped he was home.

“Mike?” she knocked on his door three times, waiting for a response. 

“Just a second!” she heard him call out through the wall followed by a loud thud. 

“Hey.” Mike cracked the door door open  just enough to stick his head out. “What’s up?”

“So tomorrow night, I want to surprise Amy and I need your help.” She explained before taking in her brother’s appearance. 

“Oh my god, is El in there?” she gasped. 

“Uh--”

“Wait,” Nancy interrupted. “That’s perfect. Can I come in?”

“Sure.” Mike looked at her like she was crazy but stepped aside.

“Hi, Nancy.” El greeted sitting cross-legged on the bed.

“Hey. So tomorrow night we’ll all be together at the Byer’s house, right?” 

The two nodded, confusion still present on their features.

“Amy’s been feeling homesick the closer we get to Christmas so I wanted to surprise her with one of her holiday traditions.” 

“Okay,” Mike sat down next to El. “and you need our help…?”

“It’s called Ice Flag Tag and I need your help convincing Will and Jonathan to play. Holly is already on board and we got all the supplies at the store earlier.”

“Ice Flag Tag?” El wondered, testing the name out on her tongue.   
Nancy nodded.

“It’s basically follows the same rules as capture the flag but you use stockings as the flags and you can throw snowballs to tag your opponents.”

“Fun.” El smiled, grabbing Mikes hand. 

“So, you’re in?” Nancy smiled.

“Yeah.” Her brother nodded. “And we’ll make sure Will and Jonathan are in too.”

“Jonathan might not be back in time.” El confessed. “He left for Chicago this morning.”

“He’s coming back though, right?” Nancy wondered, confused as to why he would leave so soon to Christmas. Was it because of their fight last night? 

_ Don’t give yourself so much credit, _ she scoffed.

“Yeah, he just went up for the day.” El assured.

“Regardless, we’ll get Will to play.”

Nancy pulled them both into a hug.

“Thank you so much!” She sighed and pulled away and turned to Mike. “Just make sure you bring a change of clothes or Mom will kill us.”

“Noted.”

Thanking the couple one last time, Nancy snuck back out of the room and headed back downstairs. 

“Hey.” Amy greeted her from the couch. “Where’d you go?”

“Just hanging out with Mike.” It wasn’t a lie. “How’s monopoly?”

“Ah, Holly beat me. Now we’re playing Candy Land.”

Nancy sat down and watched them play.

“Steve called while you were gone.” Amy moved her pawn. “He wants us to all meet at the bar later.” 

“I don’t really feel like drinking after last night.” Nancy admitted. “But I wouldn’t mind just hanging out.”

“Good.” Amy smiled. “Because I already told him we’d be there.”

\---

Hawkins had only one bar and the average patron was about 65 years old. Needless to day, they found Steve pretty quickly.

“Hey!” He cheered already a few beers deep. 

“Thanks for inviting us!” Amy hugged him. 

“Yeah, sorry I didn’t get to say goodbye last night.” Nancy apologized as she hugged him.

“It’s fine. You were… preoccupied.”

Steve waved the bartender over and ordered them a round of shots. 

“I’m not really drinking tonight.” Nancy apologized pushing the shot towards him.

“Hm… too much tequila last night?” 

“Something like that.” She grumbled.

Steve slid the extra shot to Amy. 

“Cheers!” They lifted their shot glasses in unison and Nancy had the sinking feeling it was going to be a long night. 

About 5 more drinks later, her friends were drunkenly singing along to radio.

“I need to go bathroom.” Amy slurred, sliding off the bar stool and stumbling away.

“So,” Nancy said once they were alone. “What’s going on with you and Amy?”

Steve laughed over the music, shaking his head.

“It’s not like that.”

“She’s an amazing girl, if you’re interested you should go for it.”

“As much as I appreciate your approval.” He joked. “Amy and I are just friends, trust me.”

Nancy sighed as he knocked back the rest of his drink. 

“Speaking of friends. You and Byers make peace?”

“Not exactly...We got into a big fight.” Nancy looked down at the bar. “So much for closure.”

Steve shrugged.

“Well, maybe you can’t get closure because it’s not really over between you two.” 

Nancy looked at him-- with his big, drunk, goofy smile-- incredulously. Getting back together with Jonathan was the furthest thing from her mind.

“Don’t give me that look.” He slurred. “You don’t go what you guys went through just to throw it away over one fight.”

“It wasn’t just the one fight--”   
“Oh my god, you both are starting to sound like a goddamn broken record.”

Nancy glared at him.

“All I’m trying to say is that neither of you have dated since then-- not seriously at least-- and that’s not a coincidence.”

“You’re drunk.”

“Doesn’t make it any less true.”

They sat in silence, only the sounds of some cheesy christmas song filling the air.

“Hey, Nance.” Amy crashed into the bar all of a sudden. “Want to go caroling?” 

Steve bursted out laughing and Nancy rolled her eyes.

After dropping Steve off at home and tucking a passed-out Amy into bed, Nancy sat in the kitchen with a pad of paper and a pen fretting over her secret santa gift. When they went shopping earlier, nothing seemed appropriate or felt right and now she was empty handed. 

Groaning, Steve’s drunken words echoed through her head. 

She didn’t want to get back together with him, did she? No, too much had happened. But she did want them to be friends or at least friendly-- wanted to be able to catch up over coffee once in a while and not end up screaming at eachother. 

She wanted to extend the olive branch, move past their old hurts. She had said her piece and he his. Now it was time to move forward. 

_ Forward.  _ She thought.

An idea struck her and she began furiously scribbling notes down. Nancy had the perfect plan for his gift, but she’d need to start working on it now if she wanted to finish in time.

Setting up in the living room, she strapped herself in for a long night. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter (Christmas Eve) is from Jonathan's POV so get excited. Also, Merry Christmas to everyone!


	5. December 24th

The traffic leaving Chicago was backed up and moving at a snail’s pace. Jonathan mentally chastised himself for not leaving earlier, drumming his fingers on the steering wheel as he weaved in between lanes. Why didn’t he consider Christmas Eve traffic?

The constant stopping and going was enough to give him a headache as he tried not to think about how he’s barely moved three miles in the last 45 minutes. But the impromptu day trip would be worth it. Hopefully.

After his fight in the snow with Nancy, Jonathan had been frustrated and hurt initially, but he quickly began to feel relief, almost like they actually did gain a semblance of closure. He was able to voice his hurt and was able to be completely transparent with her and she with him. So when he woke up the next morning and found out that Nancy was his secret santa, instead of lamenting about what to get his ex girlfriend, he saw it as an opportunity to keep moving forward. 

Jonathan knew almost instantly what the perfect gift would be, but he also knew he’d have to go to his apartment to get it. 

And it would be worth it-- he would finally be able to move on. 

Well, to an extent. He’d always have feelings for her-- he accepted that a long time ago. She was still warm and kind and in many ways she was still the same woman he fell in love with all those years ago. But for the first time since their breakup, Jonathan finally felt like their relationship was truly over and instead of grief, he felt at peace.

As the traffic dissipated and he was able to drive at a comfortable speed, he passed the large ‘ _ Welcome to Indiana _ ’ sign.

_ Great _ . He thought to himself, turning up the music in his car.  _ Only four more hours to go.  _

\---

By the time he pulled up in the driveway, it was nearing three in the afternoon giving him only an hour before the Wheelers arrived. 

“You made it!” Will swamped him as he walked through the door already dressed in his Christmas best.

“We need your help!” El yelled at him with similar urgency.

“You guys didn’t try and cook again,” Jonathan sighed dropping his bags to the floor. “Mom’s going to be so pissed--”

“No, no. We’re trying to put together a game.” his sister interrupted. 

“For Nancy’s friend Amy. It’s her family’s tradition so we’re trying to recreate it so she feels less homesick.” Will explained further.

“Okay,” Jonathan looked at them in confusion. “And what do you need my help with.”

“We need you to play.” Will pleaded with a grin. “And to keep Amy distracted once the Wheelers show up so we set the game up outside.”

“That’s it?” He wondered and the pair nodded. “Yeah of course, what’s the game.”

“Ice Flag Tag.” El smiled. 

“It’s a Christmas version of capture the flag. You can use snowballs to tag people from the other team and the flags are stockings.” Will explained before he even had to ask. 

“And it’s a surprise!” El emphasized. “Nancy said to make sure we don’t let Amy know that we’re playing it.”

Jonathan smiled softly, he should’ve known Nancy was behind all this. Sure, Amy was her friend, but also the whole ‘surprising a homesick friend with one of their cherished traditions’ is true to Nancy’s compassionate character. 

“Sounds fun.” Jonathan admitted before turning to Will. “Now can I get ready in your room? Mom’s going to have a fit if all my bags are out here during the party.”

“Sure let me help you.”   
The two brothers quickly cleaned up the corner of the living room Jonathan had been living out of for that past week and moved it down the hall and out of view. 

“So,” Will sighed, sitting cross legged on his bed. “Why’d you go back to Chicago?”

Jonathan stopped digging through his bag.

“I needed to pick up my secret santa gift.”

“In  _ Chicago _ ?” Will asked incredulously.

“From my apartment.” Jonathan clarified.

He began to dig through his bag again, searching for something to wear tonight.

“Is Nancy your secret santa?”

“I can’t tell you that,” Jonathan smirked, throwing his last clean sweater on the bed. “It will ruin the surprise.”

Will merely rolled his eyes before turning serious. “You aren’t going to get into a big fight again, are you?”

Jonathan shook his head.

“No, I mean I don’t know why we would.” He said honestly. “We said everything we needed to say that night. I don’t think we really have anything else to fight about.”

His younger brother hopped off the bed and made his way towards the door.

“Good, because she’s leaving in a few days and who knows how long it will be until you see her again.” He paused at the door frame and turned around to look at his brother. “Maybe try to leave on better terms.”

His younger brother’s maturity never ceased to amaze him. 

After helping his mother and Hopper carry in the last minute groceries, Jonathan quickly showered and changed in record time. Adding his secret santa gift to the collection of presents under the tree, his mother called out from the kitchen.

“Jonathan, could you help me, please?”

As he made his way to her, he quickened his pace when he saw the small woman struggling with the turkey. Lifting the pan so it could sit on the stove top, Jonathan kicked the oven door shut. 

“Thanks.” Joyce panted. “Sorry, Jim’s in the shower and I thought I could handle it but…” The woman trailed off with a shake of the head.

“It’s okay mom, I’m happy to help.” He said softly wrapping an arm around her. 

She leaned into his touch and let out a contented sigh. 

“I like having you home.”   
“It’s good to be home.” He assured her, giving his mother a tight squeeze. 

The doorbell rang, instantly shattering their nice moment as Joyce hurried for the door. 

The household quickly broke out into chaos as hugs and greetings were exchanged between the two families. His mother and Karen headed to the kitchen to put the finishing touches on dinner as Mike and his siblings made their way to the backyard to set up the game, throwing Jonathan a thumbs up before disappearing.

“Hey,” Nancy greeted him with a smile and a wave. “I’m not really sure where these go.” She lifted the bag full of gifts for him to see.

“Oh, Um, I can take them.” He offered, happy that she didn’t seem upset from the other night. 

As he reached for the bag, his fingers brushed against hers and an old, familiar ache lanced through his heart. 

If she felt it too, she didn’t show it.

“Thanks” She grinned and for a moment, he thought, feared, hoped that she may lean into hug him. Even though they were not actively fighting right now, they were still far from being on good terms. Should he hug her, was she expecting that?

Suddenly, a warm body wrapped itself tightly around his legs.

“Merry Christmas, Jonathan!” Holly beamed up at him.

“Hi Holly,” He patted the girl on the head. “Merry Christmas to you too.”

Jonathan squatted down to be at eye level with the girl and looked at her with excitement.

“I think there may be something under the tree for you, should I go get it?”

Holly nodded emphatically causing Jonathan to bite back a laugh and make his way over the tree. He placed the Wheeler’s bag off to the side before digging under the branches until he found her gift. 

Ever since Jonathan started college, he had given the youngest Wheeler child a snowglobe of a different city’s skyline each year. The first year was New York, last year had been Chicago, and since he hadn’t moved this year, he had to get creative. 

Handing the child the neatly wrapped box, Holly’s eyes glowed before she savagely tore off paper to reveal the Los Angeles skyline.

“Wow.” the child gasped, shaking the globe and staring wide-eyed at swirling glitter. “It’s beautiful.”

“I’m glad you like it.” Jonathan watched as she shook the globe a few more times. “I was working in LA last March for a project and figured you didn’t have one from there, yet.”

Holly shook her head and hugged him again. “Thank you! I’m going to put it on my shelf with the others.”

“You’re welcome.” He hugged her back before she ran off to show Nancy and her mom the gift. 

“That’s sweet.” Amy called from behind him.

Right, he was supposed to distract her.

“Uh, thanks.”

Though Jonathan was feeling more comfortable around Nancy now, he still had no idea what to make of Amy. They didn’t know each other, not really, and as his ex’s best friend, she was sure to have some strong feelings towards him.

She patted the spot on the couch next to her and he hesitantly made his way over. 

“Oh my god, you need to stop looking at me like that.” She giggled taking a sip from her wine.

“Like what?”

“Like I’m about to rip your face off.” She offered him a glass. “I just wanted to talk to you. Your mom” she pointed to the kitchen “recruited Nancy and your brother disappeared with El and Mike.” Amy took a sip. “And we haven’t said more than 5 words to each other this entire holiday.”

“I don’t talk much.” He shrugged, causing Amy to smirk.

“Yeah, I’ve picked up on that.” She pointed to his camera sitting on the table. “Nancy told me you’re a photographer, is that yours?”

“Yeah, I mean it’s my old one.” He relaxed, talking about photography was something he was actually good at. “I like to keep it here so I don’t have to worry about damaging my nice camera while traveling home.” 

“Hm.” Amy nodded. “So as an artist, which inspires you more, New York or Chicago?”

Jonathan pursed his lips in thought.

“That’s a really hard question. I love them both, and I prefer shooting urban environments… I love my program at Chicago and as a result, I’ve fallen in love with the city… That being said, there’s just something about New York.”

“I get that, I always try to get to the city at least once a semester.” She filled his glass for him even though he’d barely taken a sip. “There’s just some type of energy there.”

“Exactly.” Jonathan smiled, surprised by how much he was enjoying her company. “What are you studying?”

“Comparative Literature.” he shot her a confused look. “I want to be a poet.”

“That’s amazing.” 

“Thanks” Amy smiled. “So you plan on going back to New York?”

“Yeah, I’m actually applying to a fellowship there for my senior year.”

“Cool,” she nodded taking another large sip as the conversation came to a natural end. Looking around, Jonathan noticed that all the other kids, including Nancy and Holly were missing. He needed to keep her distracted.

“How are you enjoying Hawkins?” He asked before taking a sip of his own wine.

“It’s been so much fun, but it’s hard being away from my family during the holidays.” 

“I’m sure.”

“Nancy has been keeping me busy and trying to keep my mind off it.”  Amy smiled. “I’m lucky to have her.”

Amy grimaced.

“I’m sorry, that’s awkward-”

“No, no, you’re right,” He assured.  _ She one of the most caring people I know. _

Just then-- decked out in full snow pants, a ski jacket, and a knitted hat-- Nancy waddled into the living room with a shit eating grin on her face. 

“What’re you wearing?” Amy burst out laughing.

“Guess what we’re playing!” the puffy girl shoved a duffle bag into her friends hands and Jonathan watched as Amy’s face melted into shock.

“You’re kidding.”   
“Nope.” Nancy shook her head causing her whole body to crinkle. “We’ve been setting up outside this whole time.” 

“Seriously?” the curly headed girl asked again, still stunned. “You did this all for me?”

“Of course.” Nancy shrugged and Amy leapt into her arms in gratitude. 

 

“You better change,” Amy turned to Jonathan, wiping a stray tear. “This game is not for the faint of heart.”

\---

After dividing up the teams into boys versus girls, Amy quickly reiterated the rules.

“But most importantly, it’s just a game.” Amy concluded  “That being said, watch out for Nancy, she almost gave my dad a concussion last year.”

“Hey, I had a winning streak to defend and I did.” Nancy kicked snow at her friend.

“Yeah and no funny business!” Mike pointed at El who stuck out her tongue.

“Alright, teams go strategize for five minutes and then we’ll begin the game!” Amy clapped.

The girls hurried over to the front yard while the guys huddled up by the shed.

“Alright.” Mike started. “I think I should defend our side and guard the jail while you two try and find their flag since this is your yard.”

Will nodded. “Yeah, but where do we hide our stocking?”

“We could stick it in that old crack in the oak tree.” Jonathan pointed. “And we can dust it with snow to make it less obvious.”

“Does El know about that crack?” Mike wondered. 

“I don’t see why she would.” Will shrugged.

The boys quickly shoved the stocking in the tree and dusted it with snow to mute its color.

“We’re ready!” Mike screamed. As they made their way back to the shed. 

“Just a second!” Nancy screamed back.

“Hey Jonathan,” his brother looked at him as they premade snowballs for Mike to throw. “How about you run over there first, almost like a distrastraction, so I can hide and search longer.”

“Good idea.” Jonathan nodded, Will was excellent at hiding.

When both teams were ready, they counted down from five before letting loose. Instantly, Jonathan and Will crossed into the front yard, the older brother leading the way. Will scaled the house as Jonathan ran out in front so Will could weave between cars. Both brothers squatted behind their mother’s car when they noticed a piece of red cloth sticking out of the tire.

It couldn’t be that easy, right?

“Jonathan.” Will tugged on his jacket and pointed to the yard.

There were pieces red cloth everywhere.

“This can’t be legal, right?” the older boy scoffed.

“Nothing wrong with a few decoys, boys.” Amy’s voice called out behind them.

Will sprinted away, instantly, but Jonathan was greeted with a clump of snow to the face.

The game continued, snowballs flew, and people were captured and then be freed in record time. Even though they had been playing for over an hour, Jonathan had no clue where the girls’ flag was. With all the decoys, they were making no progress.

Crossing back to his side again, he watched as Mike dragged El to their jail. 

“Nancy!” The girl screamed. “I found it, it’s in the big tree!” 

Jonathan turned around to see Nancy and Amy running towards him. 

“So you’re both pulling up, now?” He taunted, “You know Will is still on you side searching.”

“We’re not concerned.” Nancy smiled, stopping at the border between their two sides.

“Yeah one of us is bound to get through and grab the flag before he’ll ever find ours.” Amy sneered, playfully.

“That’s a little presumptuous.” Jonathan mumbled in thought as he noticed the anxious grin on Nancy’s face. She was hiding something. “What’re you--” He cut himself off when it struck him.

Holly.

They all had forgotten the girl was even playing-- they hadn’t even  _ seen _ her since they started.

Where was she?

Jonathan turned quickly, just in time to see small girl-- with stocking in hand-- booking it back to her team’s side. His feet moved quickly so he could sprint after her, scooping up a fist full of snow and packing it. He wound his arm up and he aimed carefully at his target. But before he could throw it, something crashed into him, knocking him on his back.

Looking down, he was surprised to find Nancy Wheeler sprawled across him with her head on his shoulder. 

Did she just  _ tackle _ him?

She lifted her head and his wide eyes met hers as she hovered over him. She was so close, the closest they had been in years and he could smell her signature scent and take in her warmth just like he used to. He watched as her eyes flickered down to his lips for a moment and swore she gasped slightly. Jonathan was frozen-- completely at her mercy-- hoping, praying that she’d lean just the teensiest bit forward.

_ Moving on, my ass _ , he thought bitterly.

Instead, she came to her senses and clamored off of him as fast as possible before offering him a hand.

“Sorry.” She breathed. Whether the blush on her face was from the cold or her embarrassment, he couldn’t tell. “I guess I  _ am _ too competitive.”

He took her hand and dusted himself off. 

“Maybe so,” he was pretty sure he was fighting off a blush of his own. “But it looks like your winning streak continues.”

\---

After dinner, everyone gathered in the living room for secret santa. Placing everyone in a circle, Joyce distributed the gifts from under the tree. 

When handed his gift, Jonathan’s stomach dropped. His name was written in cursive script that was unmistakably Nancy’s-- flowing and angled with precision.

What were the chances they both picked each other?

“Alright, each gift has a number from 1 to 9 taped on it,” Hopper explained. “And we’re going to follow that order. So whoever has present number 1, go ahead.”

“I guess that’s me.” Miked waved an envelope around before tearing it open. “Oh awesome, two movie passes to the Hawk. Thanks!” 

Joyce raised her hand, sheepishly and Mike gave her a hug.

They continued opening gifts in order-- Will getting Amy a bubble bath kit, El getting Joyce a scarf-- and then it was Nancy’s turn.

Jonathan held his breath, suddenly hating that they had to do this in front of the others.

“Oooh, it looks like a frame,” Nancy pulled off the paper in pieces, before gasping at what it revealed. “Oh my god.”

“What is it?” Will asked eagerly.

“It’s a picture of Amy and I when we first met.” Nancy turned the picture around for everyone to see.

It was a black and white candid he took of the two of them during move in, introducing themselves for the first time. 

“No way!” Amy gasped pulling it towards her, “Look how clean my side of the room was!”

Everyone laughed but Nancy turned to him with watery eyes, clearly touched. 

“I love it, thank you.”

He had to clear his throat, trying not to get lost in her big blue eyes.

“No problem, I’m glad you like it.” 

They continued along as more gifts were exchanged until it finally ended with Jonathan. 

“Last but definitely not least,” His brother nudged him jokingly. 

Carefully he tore off the paper as his heart nearly beat out of his chest. What would she get him and more importantly, what would it mean?

_ Calm down _ , he told himself as he lifted the lid of the box.  _ It’s probably a sweater or some gloves. _

As he peeled back the tissue paper he was surprised to find two mixed tapes labeled ‘Catching Up 1986-1988’ parts one and two. Underneath them was a thick envelope with the words ‘to read while listening’ scrawled across it. 

“Thanks, this is awesome.” He smiled genuinely at her, “I don’t think anyone’s ever made me a mixed tape before.”

“I hope you enjoy it. The transition may be a little rough.” She smiled back at him, still holding his frame protectively in her hands. 

Everyone quickly cleaned up the discarded wrapping paper and made their way to the kitchen for desert. 

Pouring himself a drink, Jonathan was caught off guard when Nancy tapped on his shoulder. 

“I really love the picture.” She said quietly, tucking a stray curl behind her ear. “But I’m still wondering what this is.” 

Nancy held up the post-it note that was attached to the back of the frame asking her to talk in private. 

“Right,” his nerves rushing back to him. “Um, there’s another part of your gift but I didn’t want to give it to you in front of the others. Can we?” He pointed down the hall.

“Yeah.”

He had Nancy wait outside Will’s room as he dug around for the other gift, pulling out a large manila envelope.

“I’m sorry it’s not wrapped” he apologized as he entered the hall before handing the package to her. “But I thought you should have these.”

She stared at him, owlishly, waiting for an explanation.

“After you ignored my calls, I tried writing you-- multiple times-- but could never bring myself to send the letters.”   
He watched as her grip tightened.

“You don’t have to read them.” He added quickly. “You can burn them for all I care-- but I don’t want them anymore. They’re yours.”

Nancy dropped her gaze to study the envelope intensely before reaching out and squeezing his shoulder. 

“Thank you.” she whispered, her eyes meeting his and that energy from when she tackled him was back in full force as he felt draw closer and closer to him, slowly.

“Nancy!” Karen called from the living room, “We need to go before Santa comes to our house tonight!” 

Dropping her hand instantly, Nancy took a step back and the moment faded. 

“Thank you,” she cleared her throat. “For everything.” 

“Thanks for the mixtapes, I can’t wait to listen to them.” 

“Make sure you read the notes while listening, it’s very important.”   
“I will,” he promised.

“Nancy!” her mother called again.

“I’m coming!” She yelled back before turning to him again. “Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas.” He whispered long after she was gone.

\---

“So,” Will sighed after they were done cleaning up. Their Mom and Hopper were in bed and El had snuck out to Mike’s almost as soon as they left.  “I think I’m just going to sleep out here tonight so you can sleep in my room.”   
“You don’t have to do that.” 

Will shot his brother a knowing smirk.

“No, I don’t. But if I do, you’d be able to listen to those tapes then, wouldn’t you?”

Jonathan ruffled his brother’s head before grabbing Nancy’s box.

“You’re the best.”

“This counts as a Christmas gift!” His younger brother called after him as he made his way down the hall.

Shutting the door behind him, He quickly set up Will’s tape deck and plugged in headphones before playing side A of the first tape. 

Carefully, he pulled out the letter and gawked at its length, it was nearly fourteen pages. But on top there was a brief note.  

_ Hi, _

_ I can’t believe I’m actually doing this, but this is the only way I can think of to get my message across. I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again, I hate not having you in my life. You were my best friend for so long and even though things didn’t work out between us, I still miss being able to talk to you. _

_ These mixtapes are a collection of songs that made me think of you and us over the past two years and below I explain the reasons why.  _

_ I’m honestly not sure what I’m aiming to accomplish here, but by the end I hope we’re both able to move forward. _

_ Nancy _

With trembling hands, Jonathan pressed play and let the music and her words wash over him. 

The mix opened with The Smith’s “There Is A Light That Never Goes Out” and his heart stopped as he read the words on the page. She wrote about how much she missed him and needed him when her parents announced their divorce, how she almost drove to NYU that night and apologize but she couldn’t bring herself to do so. How she dreamed of just running away together. 

She included two hours worth of songs that reminded her of their good days, like Poison’s “Talk Dirty to Me”, and of how angry and hurt she was, like Joan Jett’s “I Hate Myself for Loving You”. She told stories about working at the campus store and how when “Throwing it All Away” would come on, she would have to go hide in the back room or she’d start crying.

_ And after our fight the other night, _ she wrote.  _ The last line hits me so much harder. I truly did ‘throw it all away’ when I shut you out and I’m so sorry for that. _

Jonathan had to stop reading because his vision blurred with fresh tears. His heart felt like it was simultaneously mending and being ripped apart.

For so long, he thought that after she shut him out-- had said there was nothing more to their relationship than shared trauma-- she had moved on easily. But now…

He realized she was just a haunted as him.

The ethereal tones of U2’s “With or Without You” strummed and he felt his tears slide down his cheeks. 

Frantically wiping them away, he grabbed the letter and noticed this was the last song. 

_ I think this just describes us perfectly. I’ve sat here and replayed it three times and I can’t think of anything to write beyond what the lyrics say because they’re so perfect. By writing this, by making this mixtape, I gambling in hopes of gaining nothing and with nothing left to lose. I’ve already lost you, showing how I can’t live with you, and yet I’m haunted by our memories (ergo, I can’t live without you). All I can ask for at this point is a promise to keep in touch-- to try and get coffee once a year-- and eventually work our way back to friendship. I miss you so much, and I think you miss me too.  _

Hands shaking as he read her plea for the umpteenth time, Jonathan tried to process his own emotions. His fingers caressed the words as he ached to hold the hands that wrote them. 

Here she was begging for friendship while he was realizing that he was still in love with her, that he had never stopped.

A loud banging on the door broke him out of his inner turmoil.

“Jonathan?”


	6. December 25th

Nancy had always loved playing Santa for her younger siblings. Ever since Mike was eight, her parents had let her help fill up the stockings, place gifts under the tree and of course, eat Santa’s cookies.

This year was no different.

Once Karen had Holly all tucked in upstairs, she shot the girls a thumbs up from the landing and they eagerly set to work.

“You know, I’ve never played Santa before.” Amy admitted, a twinge of giddiness to her voice.

“Really?” Nancy wondered as her friend plopped a red Santa cap on her head and turned the stereo on so cheery Christmas music lightly filled the room.

“I mean, I was the youngest child in the family and the last to believe...”

“Huh.” Nancy sighed dragging the large trash bag full of wrapped gifts out of the hall closet as per her mother’s instruction. “I actually think this is more fun than believing in Santa.”

Amy shot her a look.

“I do!” she justified in a loud whisper. “You get to organize all the gifts under the tree to make it look just right, you get to eat the cookies, and you help create the magic of Christmas.”

The girls took their time adding all the wrapped packages under tree in the living room in peaceful silence until presents were bursting from all sides.

“Do we need to do stockings?” Amy wondered, dusting her hands on her skirt as she stood up.

Nancy shook her head and sat back on her heels.

“My mom’s going to do that early in the morning before anyone gets up.”

Standing up, she was able to take the tree in fully.

“Wow, this is like every child’s dream.” Her friend whistled.

She was right, the tree was glowing and the presents were stacked underneath in such a manner that they appeared to be endless.

Nancy sat on the couch and wrapped the blanket around her, staring at the tree as it illuminated the small room with its twinkling lights, giving off a calming presence.

“I want to finish off that bottle of wine I saw in the kitchen, care to join me? It’s no fun drinking alone.” Amy begged with a smile.

“Sure, but just a small glass.” Nancy conceded.

As her friend scoured the kitchen for clean wine glasses, Nancy couldn’t help but think about how well tonight went.

Her and Jonathan had been friendly-- borderline chummy-- with one another. Not that all their issues had been resolved, but they interacted with natural ease and it seemed that any lingering awkwardness or anger had dissipated.

Maybe, being friends was bound to happen quicker than she thought.

Reaching over into her bag Nancy pulled out his gift, holding the frame in her lap. His work always took her breath away, never failing to capture the real emotion of the moment. Though they were both smiling in the photo, you could still feel the nervous excitement both girls felt during that time.

Tracing her finger over the glass, she found herself getting choked up again, knowing she’d treasure it for the rest of her life.

Amy let out a low whistle as she handed Nancy her wine.

“Poor Ken never stood a chance, did he?”

“What?” she snapped her attention back to her friend.

“I have eyes.” Amy sat down next to her, tugging on part of the blanket.

“And what, you think we’re getting back together? Because of  _ this _ ?” Nancy held up the frame.

Amy merely stared back at her, sipping her wine.

“It’s a sweet gift,” she assured “A very sweet gift, but that doesn’t mean I want to date him again.”

Amy pursed her lips together in thought.

“Okay maybe you don’t want to  _ date _ him again, but can you honestly tell me there’s nothing going on between you two?”

“Yes,” Nancy laughed, looking down at her lap. “There is nothing going on between us, we’re just trying to be civil.”

“Nance, when you tackled him, I saw sparks. The kind of kindling that ignites the passions of summer romances and one night stands, and I thought ‘okay, maybe they’re going to hook up before the end of break’. But when he gave you the framed photo of us,” Something in Amy’s voice turned serious, causing Nancy to snap her attention back to her friend. “I saw something deeper connecting you two and for the first time, I got it.”

Nancy felt her face soften, and her stomach drop.

“I finally understood why after two years, you couldn’t get over some high school relationship and just move on.”

Nancy didn’t say anything, her tongue felt heavy like lead but she found herself subconsciously clutching at the envelope of letters as Amy’s words sunk in.

“What’s that?”

_ Shit. _

“Um, it’s the other part of my gift… They’re a bunch of unsent letters he wrote me after we broke up.”

Amy blinked at her a few times before her face broke into a huge grin and she burst out laughing.

“Are you  _ kidding me _ right now?” her friend hissed, trying to keep quiet. “‘Nothing’s going on’, my ass!”

“Amy!” Nancy chided in a harsh whisper as her friend calmed herself. “I’m not even going to read them.”

“And why not?”

Nancy shrugged.

“He said I didn’t have to-- that I could burn them if I wanted to-- and I just don’t think dredging up the past like this will help us move forward.”

Amy hummed, “Sounds like you’re scared.” before tipping her wine glass back to get the last drop.

“I’m not scared--” her friend shot her a knowing look. “I just…”

She trailed off, struggling to come up with an excuse-- er, reason.

“Well, I’m going to go take a shower and give you time to, you know--” Amy shrugged, voice dripping with sarcasm “ _ not  _ read those letters.”

Nancy glared as her harasser stood up and made her way over to the stairs before pausing.

“You know, Jonathan’s actually a pretty sweet guy and he clearly still cares for you. I know it seems like I’m teasing you,” Amy admitted with a small smile. “But no bullshit-- I just want you to be happy and not have any regrets, Nancy.”

Once she was finally alone, Nancy sat on the couch mulling over Amy’s words.

She wanted her to be  _ happy _ ? Barely a week ago, she was convinced Ken and her were soulmates and that Jonathan was an ass. What made her fickle friend think jumping back into the arms of her ex would make her happy?

Biting her lip, Nancy grudgingly made her way to the kitchen, the envelope still clenched in her hands. The small table tucked by the window was placed under a glaring fluorescent light that felt more appropriate for an interrogation than reading.

Sitting down, she stared at the package, hard. And for a moment, she considered taking a match and just setting it all a blaze like he suggested before shaking the idea out of her mind.

No, she needed to do this. Amy was right in her own way-- she wouldn’t be able to move on until she knew what he wrote.

But that didn’t make it any less daunting.

Peeling back the lip of the envelope, Nancy carefully pulled out a pile of mismatched papers. Some had clearly been balled up at one point, while others were written on the backs of photographs. Even a few had been taped back together after being ripped apart. Nancy’s pulse quickened at the sight of the familiar handwriting, as if his presence was tethered to it.

She paged through them quickly, trying not to catch the words scrawled on each page.

Somehow this felt...wrong-- like she was violating his privacy, his thoughts-- and she considered putting them away.

_ They’re yours _ .

That what he said, right? He had given her these notes knowing full well what they said, giving her his permission to cross such an intimate line.

Taking a steadying breath, Nancy held up the top letter with shaky hands. It was written on the nice stationary his mother had bought him when they graduated high school. After all this time, the paper was still so crisp-- had never been folded.

When she read the date, her blood turned to ice: November 3rd, 1986.

Their anniversary.

_ Nancy.  _ \-- he addressed her; curt, formal. --  _ Please don’t shut me out like this. I’ve called you eight times today and every time the phone has been disconnected. _

_ How long are you going to punish me? _

_ When I called, what you said... you’re wrong. The shared trauma we experienced in the past may have helped bring us together but it’s not the reason I miss the sound of your voice, your laugh, the way you sigh contently or how you hum when you read a particularly interesting part of your notes. It’s not the reason I feel whole while I hold you close or the reason I still get chills when you smile at me. _

_ It’s not the reason I love you. _

_ I’m so madly in love with you that I can’t stand to think that there’s nothing left, that it’s over--we’re over.   _

_ I’m sorry, so sorry, I couldn’t visit you this weekend, but you have to believe that I’d much rather be with you right now than living in the darkroom making some bogus, last-minute required changes to a project I finished weeks ago just to appease some egotistical prick. _

_ I don’t think I can handle this much longer. The stress-- the lack of sleep-- is killing me and for what, harsh critiques that focus more on tearing me down than providing constructive feedback and opportunities for professors to pit the students against one another because ‘ _ competition breeds brilliance _ ’? _

_ This is not where I’m supposed to be. _

_ I’m sorry, I know you have college stressors of your own and that you don’t need to be burdened with my struggles, but now I’m losing you-- and I can’t let that happen. _

_ I’ll do anything to prevent that from happening. _

_ I love you. I miss you. And I swear I’ll make it up to you soon. _

_ Please write me back. _

_ Love, _

_ Jonathan _

Nancy didn’t even realize she was crying until she choked on a sob that ripped past her lips.

This was  _ her _ Jonathan, the one she fell in love with, and her heart clenched and she regained something-- someone-- she had lost so long ago, even if only for a brief moment.

The sheer amount of hope in his message mad her stomach sink and every I love you cut through her like a machete.

It was the apology she always hoped for but instead of relief she felt even more guilt and confusion.

Why didn’t he tell her how miserable he was instead of suffering in silence?

Why didn’t he send this? She would’ve responded-- would’ve forgiven him instantly if he had just explained.

_ But you never gave him the chance. _ She mentally kicked herself yet again for unplugging her phone.

Wiping her tears away quickly, she moved on.

There was no point on focusing on what could’ve been. The past had passed.

The next letter was on the same stationary as the first, but was worn and wrinkled like it had been balled up multiple times. Haphazardly scrawled across the top was the date: November 10th, 1986.

_ I’m done.  _ \-- there was no greeting--  _ I’ve called you 20 times this past week and the phone is still disconnected. You’re clearly over us and I can take a hint. _

_ I just can’t believe that after all we’ve been through, after all our time together, this is how it ends. _

_ I never knew Nancy Wheeler could be such a coward, never thought that you were someone who could cut themselves out of my life so easily without looking back. _

_ God, you really are no better than my father. I can’t believe that-- _

The note cut off mid thought, he had stopped writing-- she assumed-- to crumple it up and throw it across the room.

Nancy swallowed, hard, before turning the note over. But she couldn’t ignore the tremor his anger and hurt sent down her spine.

Staring at the third letter, she knitted her brows together. Like the last ones, this also had the date at the top but was written on what looked like yellow legal pad paper and only contained a single line.

_ 11/25/86 _

_ Nancy, _

_ I’m sorry about your parents. If you need anything or even just someone to talk to-- _

Like before, this note cut off mid thought.

There were a few more half-started letters attempting to reconnect during the first three months of their separation but they all had been balled up or torn up. The next real letter didn’t appear until May 13th, 1987.

The note was short, but it was complete and written on the back of a photograph.

_ I found this today in the bottom of my bag. Maybe we can talk over summer break? I’d like to see you. _

Nancy gasped when she saw what it was, tears filling her eyes as she bit back a smile.

It was a photo, one she actually took, during their senior year of high school. He was sleeping on her bed and she was curled up next to him, her head resting on his chest as she smiled lazily up at the camera.

With trembling hands, she let her fingers trail over the glossy photo. The look of joy and content on her face almost foreign to her now and her heart clenched for those moments they shared.

They had been truly happy once and this was proof.

Holding the last letter in her hands, she braced herself for what was to come. After a quick glance, she was relieved to see it was longer than a line but didn’t know what to make of that feeling.

What was she doing here, was she searching for some hidden meaning in his letters?

She had already read his apology-- his heartfelt words explaining his reasons for distancing himself from her.

What more did she want?

Shaking her head, Nancy took a deep breath-- refocusing herself.

_ November 2nd, 1987 _

_ Nancy, _

_ It’s hard to believe that it’s been a year since we’ve talked, since we’ve been a part of each other’s lives and I’ve been miserable, honestly. _

_ This isn’t the first letter I’ve written, I’ve tried to write you for the past year but I just couldn’t bring myself to send them. Who knows if this will be any different… _

_ A lot has happened since we last talked. Mostly, I transferred from NYU to Chicago and I’m really happy about it-- I’m closer to my family, Chicago is marginally less expensive than New York, and the program is a much better fit for me. _

_ That first semester of college had been hell, I was completely stressed out and not in a good place emotionally and I’m sorry that you took the brunt of it. _

_ I’m sorry I never explained what was happening, that I made you feel brushed aside.   _

_ It wasn’t fair. _

_ I loved you, I’ll always love you-- that’s undeniable. I’ve tried to fight it, tried to ignore it, but it’s pointless. _

_ Until I met you, I thought love was fleeting, that it always inevitably faded until you hated the other person. But I can honestly say that I still have feelings for you after all this time, Nancy, and I can’t tell if that’s pathetic or beautiful. _

_ Anyways, I’m clearly not going to send this now because announcing my undying love to my ex doesn’t really help us move forward. _

_ Well, I hope to see you over winter break this year. Who knows, maybe we can get coffee and try and be friends... _

_ At this point, I’d do anything to have you in my life again. _

_ -Jonathan _

Nancy wiped her eyes frantically as she reread his last letter over and over again-- the one that was never meant for her eyes.

_ I’ll always love you. _

_ I still have feelings for you after all this time. _

_ I’d do anything to have you in my life again. _

The words jumped off the page but she still didn’t believe them.

Pressing the heels of her hands against her eyes, she willed herself to stop crying but it was futile, her emotions were running rampant.

How was he still able to do this to her?

Standing up, Nancy held onto the last letter, tightly, as she grabbed her mother’s keys off the counter and booked it out the back door.

She didn’t know what she was feeling, she didn’t know what any of this meant. All she knew was in that moment, she had to see him.

Screeching out of the driveway, Nancy had to force herself to slow down and take control over the car. The roads were icy, the snow was coming down like an avalanche, and the last thing she needed was to crash the car on Christmas because her adrenaline was through the roof.

Also, the fact that she was still crying wasn’t helping her visibility.

Wiping her eyes as the car’s wipers cleared snow from its windshield, Nancy began wrapping her mind around the situation.

She was driving to her ex boyfriend’s house at two in the morning because a letter he wrote over a year ago claimed he was still in love with her.

“This is insane.” she laughed humorlessly at herself.

She had no idea what she was going to say to him, had no idea if he was even still  _ awake _ . But as she pulled up the long, dark driveway her heart began to race when she noticed the living room light was still on.

Ripping the keys from ignition, she made her way up the porch-- his letter never leaving her firm grip.

_ What am I doing? _ Nancy berated internally. She had just spent all of last night constructing a plea for friendship-- spent the last week convincing herself that she wanted to be friends with him and friends alone.

_ Moving forward, that was the plan, right? _

Nancy held her breath, steeling herself at the door before giving three, definitive knocks.

For a moment, there was a rustling on the other side of the door before it flung open to reveal Will Byers, staring at her like she lost her goddamn mind.

Quickly, his surprise melted into smugness.

“Jonathan’s in my room.” The boy stepped aside to let her in. “And I’m sleeping on the couch tonight.”

Nancy nodded slightly as she took a hesitant step across the threshold. She waited for Will to press further but he thankfully dropped it, walking back to the couch and turning up the TV. Her feet moved with a mind of their own, carrying her down the dim hallway.

It was quiet, only the sounds of Hopper’s muffled snoring and the echoes from the TV could be heard. But there was a strip of light glowing under the door.

He was still awake.

She knocked against the door, the last barrier separating them, lightly. When she didn’t hear anything she tried again, knocking a little louder.

Still, she heard nothing on the other side.

Taking a steadying breath, she knocked again, harder.

“Jonathan?” she leaned in close, mumbling his name through the gap in the door.

In any other situation it would probably be considered a whisper-- maybe a murmur. But in stillness of the night, she felt like she was screaming.

First she heard the bed squeak, then the knob jiggled,

“Nancy?” He gasped in disbelief as she gaped up at him, words turning to ash on her tongue.

“Did you mean it?” she forced out, her entire body trembling as she held up the letter. “Do you still mean it?”

Jonathan merely blinked in confusion.

“Y-you said that you still had feelings for me,” She read, tears blurring her vision. “T-that you’ll always love me.” She watched as his eyes widened and she suddenly felt so small. “Is that true?”

Jonathan gripped the door frame and dropped his head, giving her the opportunity to wipe her eyes. Not that it mattered, she was sure her face was already tear-stained and puffy from earlier.

When his watery gaze met hers, she was struck by the determination that had set into his features.

“Of course it is.” he whispered. “How could I not?”

Nancy felt something within her shatter and she had to bite her lip from letting out a gasp.

“What about this?” He marched over to the bed, strewn with her tapes and audio equipment, and grabbed her notes, holding them up for her to see. “Do  _ you _ still mean it?”

He was trembling now, she could see it from across the room. There was a shift in the air that made her heart pound uncomfortably against her chest.

_ What am I doing? _

He still loved her-- Jonathan admitted it-- so why was she still here and why did she care?

It shouldn’t have changed anything, what she wrote nearly 24 hours ago should still hold true.

But it didn’t, not entirely anyways.  

“I need to be honest with myself.” Nancy whispered, her voice cracking as she crossed the room, slowly.

Jonathan didn’t say anything but he watched her carefully as though she were a predator and he was her vulnerable prey.

“And I don’t want to be friends with you.”

She swallowed hard and he shot her an unreadable expression. Once she was close enough, Nancy reached one hand up to caress his cheek, her thumb wiping away a stray tear.

“In fact,” though she was still whispering, her voice was steady and sure. “I’m pretty damn tired of trying to fall out of love you.” Her eyes flickered up to his and her breath hitched at the soft look he was giving her. “Because I can’t.”

“Nancy-”

“-Jonathan”

They gasped, voices echoing off one another before he dipped down and she stood up on her toes so that their lips could press together. Soft, almost like a promise, neither of them dared to move, holding themselves in sweet a reunion.

But then his arms wrapped around her waist, and she collapsed against his chest, and their kisses dissolved into something wonton, needy. There was a desperation in the way his teeth graze her bottom lip and the way her tongue slid inside his mouth, forcing them to pull apart with bated breath.

Jonathan smirked at her while she caught her breath and that’s all it took to break her.

Burying her face in his chest, Nancy sobbed out an endless apology as her hands fisted his shirt.

“Hey,” he soothed, shushing her as he firmly gripped her shoulders, pushing her away from him, gently. He placed a kiss on the top of her head, trailing his lips down her face and across her jawline as she calmed down.

“I made so many mistakes.” She held his face in her hands. “And I hurt you, and I’m so sorry.”

“We both made mistakes. We both hurt each other.” he assured brushing the hair out of her face. “We’ll just have to be better about that in the future.”

_ The future. _ There’s something in the way he said it that sounded so certain she couldn’t help but smile.

Leaning forward, she pulled his face to hers, and placed a languid kiss on his lips before dragging him back towards the bed.

\---

The smell of coffee woke Nancy up, but her mind was slow to follow.

Taking in the outlines of furniture in the dark, she’s fairly certain she’s not in her mother’s guestroom. She threw an arm across the bed to find it surprisingly empty, causing Nancy to sit up.

Where was Amy?

Yawning, memories from the previous night flooded back to her-- driving to the Byers’ in the middle of the night, confronting Jonathan, confessing her feelings... Nancy quickly looked down and sure enough, she was wearing his shirt.

Collapsing back against the bed she snuggled deep into the comforter, not even fighting the smile playing on her lips.

But then it dawned on her-- Where was  _ Jonathan _ ?

The bedroom door creaked open and a strip of light shone across her face causing her to blink up at the figure in the doorway.

“Hey, you’re already up?” Jonathan asked surprised.

“I smelled coffee.” she admitted, voice hoarse with sleep. “What time is it?”

“Almost seven.”

Nancy groaned burying her head in her pillow.

“I was actually about to wake you up. Do you want to go on a drive?” she felt him sit on the bed next to her. “If you have time? I think we should talk about some things…”

“Yeah.” she looked up at him, suddenly wide awake. “Of course.”

He leant her a sweatshirt and a pair of sleep pants to wear instead of her short party dress, but she still had to wear her heels since her feet were so small they’d swim in his shoes.

“You look cute.” He assured once they were in the car. Nancy shot him a knowing glance. She was just thankful she had cried most of her eye makeup off the previous night so she didn’t look like a raccoon.

“So, where are we headed?”

It was still dark outside, only the headlights on his car illuminated the road ahead of them. On the seat between them, he had packed them breakfast and even brought travel mugs of coffee. The warm liquid comforted her in the frosty morning air.

“The overlook.” He took a sip of his own coffee. “I thought it would be nice to watch the sunrise.”

Nancy hummed thoughtfully. The radio was turned low but the gentle strumming of guitar could be heard as they sat in silence.

When they parked at the top of the hill, she could barely make out the buildings of downtown Hawkins in the low light. Jonathan turned off the car causing the car shrouding them in nothing but the glow of twilight.

“What do you want from me?” his voice breaks the silence. It’s soft, but it almost causes her to spit out her coffee.

“What?” She looks towards even though she could barely see his face.

“I think we need to be honest with each other.” He explains. “Last night was great, fantastic even, but what does that mean for us?”

“Are you asking me where we stand?”

“I just want to do things right this time.”

Nancy reached over and grabbed his hand which he quickly moved to intertwine their fingers together.

“I love you.” she started, squeezing his hand in assurance. “But I’m worried. We couldn’t make it work when we were an hour away from each other. How are we going to handle different time zones?”

His silence makes her anxious and she wishes she could see his face.

“I have a phone in my apartment now.”

“Oh?” Nancy perked up, intrigued.

“Yeah, and I may not be in Chicago for much longer.” She watched his shadow take another sip from his mug. “I’ve applied for this fellowship in New York and if I get it, I’d start end of May and it would last through graduation.”

“And that would count as your senior coursework?” she asked trying to keep her excitement contained. This wasn’t a sure thing.

“Yeah, even though it’s more of a transition into the workforce than a class.”

“When will you know if you got it?”

“Well I have an interview in February. They’re flying me out and putting me up for the weekend.”  

“That’s great!” she squeezed his hand.

“Yeah.” he agreed but there was a question in his voice.

Turning towards him, Nancy held his face in her hands.

“I want to try again.” She assured. “I want this to work.”

“Seriously?” He wondered in disbelief. “What if I don’t get the fellowship?”

“Then we’ll just have to be far apart a little bit longer.” she shrugged. “I have a good feeling about this,” she squeezed his shoulders. “About  _ us _ . We’re older, we’re wiser, and I think we can do it.”

Jonathan slide closer and wrapped her in his arms, tightly.

“I love you.” he murmured against her hair.

“I love you too... So you want to try this again?” she whispered against his chest and felt him nod against her. “Good.”

The newly reforged couple stayed like that, snuggled up in the front seat of his car-- talking about everything and anything that came to mind. When the sun finally broke, shedding light on the day, Nancy placed a soft kiss on his lips.

“Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas.”

Sure, a few days ago she had joked that a Mustang Convertible would be the best Christmas gift, but Nancy wouldn’t trade this moment for the world. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry about this incredibly late update! I got sick and then this chapter took forever to write.  
> The epilogue will be Valentine's day while Jonathan is in NYC for his interview.  
> Thank you so much for reading!!!!!!!!!  
> Hopefully you enjoyed this dramatic, completely self-indulgent, fluffy mess.


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